brilliant discovery • zauren

19

The three words were on a mental loop. No matter how many times they played over and over, Lauren couldn't swallow them due to utter disbelief.

"But..."

Of course, there had to be a 'but'. If only confessions were as easy as 1, 2, 3.

Immediately, her heart sunk, but the uneven palpitations retained. He looked away from her, the smile on his face disappearing. That said a lot to her. So, she braced herself for whatever followed that three-lettered word.

Zayn didn't know how to continue, though. He was scared he wouldn't be able to word himself correctly, like earlier. He didn't want to say anything to hurt her. Although, he didn't know if Lauren recipocrated his feelings, her actions told all. If his emotions weren't properly conveyed by this antics, hers definitely were.

"But..." He started again, hoping the other words would just ease out silkly.

Phrasing his thoughts was always so difficult. No matter how cautious or careful he tries to be. Regardless of how many times he's expressed it to himself or re-read it. Somehow, they just ever come out as intended.

"If you want a relationship—a proper one, I can't give that to you, yet," he confessed, head hung low as he played with a ring on his middle-finger for therapeutic recreation. "There's a lot happening right now, but I like what we are. Not the fake relationship status, but being there for one another."

Times were tough on the both of them. Their predicament made everything complicated and tedious. However, at the end of the day, they found they could fall back on one another. Through their texts and his surprise visits, they've come to rely on the other quite a bit. Probably because they were, without a doubt, the only ones who sincerely understood each other. All thanks to the mess they were tangled up in.

Like Lauren, he prepared himself for whatever her reaction may possibly be. Unreasonable thoughts flooded his mind, his anxiety getting the best of him.

"Oh."

In some convoluted, twisted way, she was actually relieved. For a lot of reasons, she can see where Zayn is coming from. Placing herself in his shoes and her own, she didn't want to rush things because things were just fine. Why ruin a good thing. Why fix something not broken.

A relationship could modify what they've come to appreciate.

It entails aspects Zayn wasn't ready to deal with for now. It's a big step. Obviously, neither was up for it yet, though.

"I'm okay with what we are, too, Zayn."

At first, Zayn thought he didn't catch that correctly. Did she undoubtedly agree or was he hearing what he wanted to hear her say?

He looked up, blinking. "You're okay with this?" Not knowing what this actually was, he just motioned his hands between the two of them .

Lauren nodded, fiddling with her fingers as she wondered if she also said the right thing. She assumed that's what he wanted to her answer to be, anyway.

"Y-yeah," she said, gulping the lump in her throat. Since she hadn't confessed yet, the four words were begging to be freed. "I understand where you're coming from, anyway. We can just take things slow, yeah?"

Zayn nodded, smiling softly at her. The weight off his shoulders suddenly alleviated. The last thing he ever wanted to do was jump ahead without taking two steps back to ensure the best possible outcome. If he did, not only would he get hurt, but Lauren, too. He didn't want that.

"One step at a time," he added, walking towards her in small strides. Like they agreed to, not rushing. "I really like you, Lauren. And I don't want to screw anything up. I'm sorry for disappearing. I just..." He paused, mentally belittling himself for going incognito on her. "Needed to think."