Sidemen One Shots (boyxboy)

Hide With a Smile [Ksishaw]

Of course he couldn't confront Harry about it - he had to keep his distance. He couldn't have anyone suspect that he was gay, he's hidden it for so long and there was no way on earth he'd ever risk his deepest secret coming out. Even if he had to avoid his best friend and act like he hated him for the rest of his life.

JJ hated treating Harry like he did. The group of boys he hung around with now were raging homophobes and wouldn't even let Harry walk down the corridor without at least a blow to the stomach or a punch in the face. JJ hated it, the look of betrayal on Harry's face each time he spotted JJ with the group of bullies, but it was the only way to ensure that his life wouldn't unravel because of the big secret he's hiding.

He followed Harry out of the building and sighed. JJ was supposed to be in Maths right now, but fuck it. He'd bunked lessons before, what damage would missing another hour of learning pointless equations which wouldn't benefit his future in the slightest do?

The older boy followed Harry and knew exactly where he'd go. Even though he hadn't set foot in Harry's house since he started avoiding his best friend, he knew exactly where his house was located. After all, it was almost like his second home throughout his childhood.

Breathless, he stumbled up towards the front door and wrenched at the door handle. Great, it was locked. He was tempted to turn away and make his way back to his own house, but it was something he'd heard in Harry's voice previously that almost forced him to stay. It was a kind of desperation and almost relief that he'd never heard in his voice before. To say that he was worried about Harry right now would be a complete understatement.

JJ had seen the scars which lined the younger boy's arms as he changed for their sports lessons. It wasn't like he was watching, but Harry did have an amazing body and JJ couldn't help it. But when he spotted all the marks on his arms, his heart had stopped and he'd struggled to breathe. JJ knew he'd fucked up and he didn't know how to fix it.

He clambered over the fence leading to the back garden of Harry's house and he climbed through the kitchen window, which Harry's mum insisted on keeping open in order to keep the kitchen cool. Harry's sobs were audible from upstairs, and JJ followed them as if they were the only thing keeping him alive.

Harry's mind was set, but his body couldn't understand - his fingers trembled as he held a glass under the tap, and pushed the tablets out of their foil cases. Harry doesn't know how many pills it will take to kill him, but he's going to take as many as he possibly can. 

His heart pounded so loudly that all other sound was obliterated and the back of his eyes stung with tears that had taken so long in coming. He knew what was likely to happen - he was still competent enough to know that the drugs would sweep through him, making him drowsy - causing pain... but he didn't care, at least he would feel something before the end.

Harry held the tablets in his hand as if they were sweets before he started to swallow them one at a time. He soon lost count of how many painkillers he had consumed, but he knew they were working as he couldn't feel the pain in his wrists anymore. He was soon out of water, his mouth was dry and he was sure that his heart was going to break free from his chest. The end was so close. 

It was so hard to swallow them down between sobs. Harry relaxed back into the cushions of the sofa in his room; he closed his eyes to prevent him seeing the room spinning; his arms and legs were becoming heavy, as though they were being weighed down by lead and the thought of sleep was so inviting... He could just lie down on the sofa and drift away.

His head resting against the arm of the sofa, he couldn't control it when he fell onto his side. He could feel his breathing slowing down as he was ready to slip away. He was sure that the thudding he could hear must be from inside his head, and the sudden lightness that seemed to be shining through his eyelids was the end.