"Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away."
-The Great Gatsby
I admit it.
I was a bit too harsh last week. I shouldn't have dropped all those bombs when she just dropped a firecracker. It was just an act of rage.
The minute she brought Phil into it, I felt as if it was a fight without rules. Phil is my best friend, he supported me where my parents couldn't. She didn't know how devastated Phil was about losing his restaurant, he no longer has that happiness in him. He just sadly searches for jobs and calls himself a failure.
She doesn't know him at all, and she decided to call him a failure. Of course I'd get mad at immaturity like that. She said that just to get under my skin and it worked.
"Because I love you, and even though you're a dumb jerk I still care about you. I know you love your job, so just keep it."
I would not have been guilty now if she hadn't said that to me. It left me speechless, I couldn't comprehend it. Not only did she say she loved me, but she put me before herself. Instead of spitting more cruel words she went out of her way to let me keep my job.
Honestly, I would have quit my job if it weren't for Phil. I'm the only person with a job in our household. I couldn't be irresponsible and quit.
I wish I had said something to her, something kind. My last words to her were filled with hostility and I blew my chance to fix it. I don't think I'll see her ever again and I don't know why that makes me feel a deep ache in my chest.
"Ms. Anderson? Are you on your phone?" I call out to the girl in the back. I did return to my hostile self after Omera left, it's a way to deal with the emotions I'm feeling.
"Uhhhh...." Ms. Anderson looks at me with bright red cheeks. It reminds me of Omera back in the beginning of the year when I would speak to her. The ache in my chest increases, especially when I see the empty seat in the front of the class.
"Come give me your phone, and see me after class." I order her.
--
"Phil, I got nachos." I call out as I enter our apartment. I set the bag down when I hear no response.
"Phil?" I call out, I walk over to his room and open it to find him sitting on the floor, sniffling with his back towards me. The scene breaks my heart as I walk over to his form.
"I thought if you worked hard, the world wouldn't let you down. Nothing goes right for anyone. I don't know anymore, Dan, I just have this pain in my chest because someone stole away something I loved. I loved it so dearly and now it's gone." Phil rants to me, he blows his nose and I can't help but relate to him.
Omera. She's someone I love and now she's-
"Love?" I say out loud, I quickly shake my head to clear away my thoughts. "Are you sure you loved it that dearly?" I question Phil, secretly turning to him to answer my own questions.
"Of course I do. The fact I have this pain in my chest proves it. If it didn't matter, why would I be crying?" He stares down at his fingers. He just stares at his fingers now.
"It matters but love is a strong word." I disagree with him. Internally, I rule out the suspicion of loving Omera. There's no way. "Love means you're ready to spend the rest of my life at the restaurant, that you're ready to die for it."
"Well, that how I feel, right? If you can't say no right away then you're in denial. You're in love." Phil says his voice is no longer accompanied with sniffles. "It's love because even if I could have my restaurant back for even a second I'd be happy. It really is Dan, I need my restaurant to make my life feel whole again. I can't find a single job to replace it." He states, his sobbing has completely stopped now. I still haven't gotten a look at his face clearly but The suspicion is cleared when he turns to me with a raised eyebrow, and a tearless face.
"Wait, you weren't crying?" I ask.
Phil gets up from the floor and grabs ahold of my shoulders. "No, I got another job. Although I love my restaurant, it's a different type of love. However, you do love Omera, stop denying it. You were cruel to each other, and she ignored that because she loved you. Who cares if she brought me into it? You both acted in rage. You need to realize you do love her, the fact you feel heartbreak proves it." He explains to me. I remember I had confessed everything that happened to Phil, I didn't know he would use that information this way.
Love. It's a commitment, but I guess I have to answer three main questions.
Do I want to live with her for the rest of my days?
Despite her flaws, do I think she's the most perfect person ever?
Would I take a bullet for her?
"What should I do?" I ask Phil once I realize that I do indeed love her.
"I believe that's up to you. I don't have those answers."
______
A/N:
Many of you guys wanted a Dan POV, so it has been done.
Like I stated on my profile, you are always free to ask me questions on the message board or private messaging. I will begin to check those more often.
I made an Instagram at 4am yesterday for wattpad. I'll use that to fool around and post pictures of myself (maybe), if you guys want to chat or ask questions about this book you're free to message me there as well. Wattpad is kinda useless if you want to send a screenshot of a chapter as a way to clarify things, so I'll use IG for that.
IG: @b.ites
-Chloe
