Paradise City.

Chapter 61: Things Are Better if I Stay.

“Oh, Peasnie, what’re you doing here?” Bailey said weakly. I felt my entire world crash when I saw her but I didn’t want to alarm her so I kept a smile on.

“Well I thought I’d come and see you, I brought James to see his Grandma.” I said lively. Bailey didn’t even smile when she saw James; she let us step into the house. Everyone was so strange, even my surroundings. The once happy, bright and open household was dark, empty and grim. I remember Sunday afternoons we’d sit and watched the Sunday afternoon movie with a bowl of chips and some dip but no one was there, the twins were playing at the coffee table, they had some crayons and paper. The curtains were drawn so the already dark room was darker. The upstairs was once lively and open but now it’s dark and isolated. I set James down beside the twins so he could colour with them. Bailey led me to the cluttered kitchen, there were pizza boxes and take out bags everywhere, dishes in the sink and clothes piled up at the washer.

“Sorry for the mess, I haven’t had much time to clean up.” She apologized as she took two clean mugs from the cupboard and began to make coffee. I bit my lip hard as I stood off to the side. I watched as Bailey began to sway on her feet, she sighed heavily and placed her hand on her forehead. I knew that she was exhausted and she was running off of nothing. I needed to take care of her, she’s my stepmom or better yet she’s my mom. I saw my mom in her, not because she’s been there for me like a mom but because when mom got custody of me and we lived in Portland she struggled with money and this remind me of that period of time. She would put me before herself just like Bailey’s putting all the kids before herself. So this situation was very familiar to me. But I can’t let Bailey know that, she shouldn’t know that because then she’ll ask me how I felt towards my mom and I’d have to lie and say I was happy she was trying. Bailey sees right through my lies, she’ll know that I was miserable during that time in my life and then she’ll get even more depressed and I don’t want her to get to the point I was in before.

Bailey began to stumble a bit, forcing me to rush to her side and help keep her on her feet. Her weight was placed on me. I smiled forcefully at her and sighed.

“Mom, forget about coffee, I want to talk to you about some stuff.” I said plainly and watched she her dim eyes gave me the once over. Oh shit I accidentally let it slip. I can’t let her know that I’ve been here before. Her eye brows knotted together tightly.

“You just called me mom.” Bailey weakly whimpered to me. That’s it, that’s the point where there were a flash flood of tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. My heart ached painfully. I bit my tongue and nodded, swallowing the lump.

“Of course, you’re my mom.” I said nervously. She frowned and nodded, I helped her into the dinning room at the cluttered dinning room table. There were papers scattered all over the place, funeral expenses and bills. My heart sank when I saw that Bailey spend $75,000 dollars on dad’s funeral. I frowned as she took the paper from me and piled it all up in the corner. We both sat down under the light of the over head light. Bailey weakly smiled at me and shrugged a little.

“I’m glad you came over, I’ve missed seeing your face.” She said making my heart flutter. I felt silly for thinking that she’d never want to see me ever again. But even though she’s happy to see me I still felt a dull pain that made every inch of my body ache. I forced a smile and nodded.

“Ugh, yeah, I’ve missed you guys too.” I replied nervously.

“Sorry I haven’t called or texted since the funeral, I’ve been busy with life.” I told her apologetically. Bailey nodded and forced a smile at me.

“It’s alright, a new born will consume all of your time. How is everyone?” Bailey said sullenly, trying to sound happy she has a granddaughter but she’ll always feel sad on Nevaeh’s birthday. Every year Nevaeh celebrates a birthday is another year dad is gone. That’s gonna hurt everybody even more as the years go on. I smiled weakly at her.