QUEEN OF SUBURBIA | tom holland [✓]

lxvi. CALL

"why are you calling me?"

"dunno."

"you literally left an hour ago."

"well, i haven't talked to you in an hour."

"you're stupid."

"i know. [silence] so, what are you doing?"

"are we really doing this?"

"doing what?"

"this. small talk over phone."

"it's not small talk, lor. i wanna know what you're doing."

"do you wanna know what i'm wearing, too?"

"well, if you insist."

"tom!"

"what?"

"[sigh, giggle] i'm wearing sweatpants and a bra."

"what about your shirt?"

"too hot."

"but not too hot for sweatpants?"

"never too hot for sweatpants."

"right."

"and what are you wearing?"

"sweatpants."

"and nothing else?"

"nothing else."

"damn."

"don't get worked up, olsen."

"[giggle] shut up."

"so, what are you doing?"

"lying in my bed. you?"

"same."

"we're horribly lazy. we're never doing anything."

"actually, i was just playing until dawn with harrison."

"really? how the hell did you get off it?"

"[surprised sigh] you know what that is?"

"um, i think everyone knows about until dawn."

"i didn't. but yeah, it's amazing."

"i played it at reese's. i killed chris and i cried."

"you cried? [chuckle]"

"yes, you moron."

"why?"

"because he didn't deserve to die. he was pure. he just wanted to save ashley."

"damn."

"shut up!"

"i just said damn!"

"i could hear you judging me from there!"

"[laugh] damn, lor."

"what now?"

"i don't know. i just felt like saying that."

"i hate you."

"nah, you don't."

"really, tom, shut up."

[breathing, shuffling, footsteps, music playing in the background]

"what's that?"

[music playing int he background]

"tom?"

[music playing in the background]

"did you fucker just leave me alone?"

[music playing in the background]

"well, thank god you put arctic monkeys so i can dream of alex turner while falling asleep."

"[shuffling] okay, i'm here."

"[laugh] so that's what scares you? me dreaming of alex turner?"

"you dreaming of other boys in general."

"what about henry or adam?"

"not even them."

"they're gay."

"okay, then you can dream of them."

"[laugh] damn, tom."

"shut up."

"i'm not saying anything. [yawn] i really wanna go to sleep."

"then go. i'll be here."

"so, this is our thing, then?"

"don't say that ever again."

"why?"

"just don't. it sounds kinky."

"who says we're not?"

"lor!"

"fine, fine. night, tommy boy."

"night, babygirl."

[silence]

"lor?"

[silence]

"okay, i didn't mean that. i just wanted to hear your reaction."

"don't. call me. babygirl. ever. again."

"deal."

"jerk."

"hey, don't be rude."

"shut up and let me sleep."

"okay."

[silence]

"night, lor. and don't snore this time."

[tomelei should win the award for the awkwardest couple that is not a couple.]