Red Star

After The Fire Part 9

Unbeknown, to Frank, Ralph was still alive. Ralph had called Douglas after he managed to survive a suicide mission (this guy had some serious luck, Douglas thought, despite himself) and told him what to tell Frank. Douglas couldn't help but agree. Douglas knew a fair bit about Frank from the large amount of meetings that they had held by now, and he knew for one that Frank was incredibly protective of Rosa. 

He would have told her. Without a doubt. So before that could happen, they had to give him a reason not to. There would be no reason to tell Rosa that a previously dead man was alive when he had died anyway.

It was the perfect plan, and yet Douglas was riddled with guilt. 

All over the holiday period, Douglas couldn't focus. He took three weeks off of work. His wife tried to get through to him, and failed every time. 

"Amanda, you just don't get it." He would say, and she would say something sympathetic in a bid to break down his walls. They would then pursue into a screaming match, which neither would win. 

Douglas drank to ignore it all. It didn't help, not really. He could drink all of the scotch he liked, but it never covered the fact that he was covering up a death that didn't happen for the second time and that he was irrevocably in love with another man. 

So on the evening on Christmas Day, Douglas was delighted to be relieved from the long, white table full of family guests who had no clue of his strife. The doorbell rang out, and Douglas all but bolted up and out of his chair, all but sprinting towards the door, ignoring the complaints from his guests about 'who could possibly be knocking on Christmas?'. 

Douglas knows only one person it could be, but his heart is reluctant in leaping upwards towards the promise of love, in fear that it isn't him. 

His fingers curl around the door knob, he inhales sharply, and pulls the door to reveal him.

It was a sort of tradition they had. Every year Douglas would make a bullshit excuse ("Emergency with work, I swear this job never rests,", "I just want a walk, Amanda, is that too much to ask?") and make his way to Brandon's (to the warm safe haven of an apartment), or Brandon would come over and they would hide in the back yard of Douglas' house. 

They would spend as long as they could together, long enough to sate their desires, but short enough that Amanda wouldn't get suspicious (which actually gave them a long amount of time, since Amanda would loose track in hosting - her socialite behaviour did have its perks). 

If they were at Douglas', they would sit on the bench in the snow in the backyard, holding each other and making promises they couldn't keep. If they were at Brandon's, they would cuddle under a blanket on the couch, eating leftover takeout. It was a heavenly tradition. After a while, Douglas associated Christmas Day not with presents, or a large dinner, but for candid time with the man he loved. 

Douglas was not expecting to see Brandon when he opened the door. In his mild bout of depression and self-depreciating wallowing, Douglas had pushed away Brandon immensely, and Brandon, unusually, hadn't fought, which of course just made it all the worse. 

But there he is. His black curls (spilling out from a woollen hat) catching snowflakes, his nose just ever so pink from the icy cold. 

Douglas has never been so in love, and all he can say is, "Merry Christmas." 

"I needed to see you," Brandon confesses, his face conflicted. "I just had to." 

Douglas nods (it's all he can do, still in shock that Brandon is here) and rushes back to his dining room, kisses Amanda's temple, explains that it's a coworker who needs to urgently update him on the latest cases, as they need to respond tomorrow. She accepts it, with a polite nod, while the other guests voice confusion. His brother, Ted, even says something along the lines of 'this happens every year, Emma.' 

Douglas doesn't care, Brandon is here and waiting for him. 

Brandon is already sitting at their bench when Douglas emerges, tears falling onto the fresh snow. 

"Woah, woah," Douglas rushes to him, embracing him. "What happened?"

Brandon sniffles. 

"I didn't come here to be with you," Brandon says between sobs. "I came here to give you one last chance."

"What?"

"I've been seeing someone," Brandon says, and Douglas can see the weight lifting off of Brandon's shoulders as clouds begin to surround Douglas' head. This cannot be happening. "I'm dating someone who actually treats me like a boyfriend, someone who isn't ashamed to hold my hand when we walk in public, someone who doesn't pay extra to have a table in the dark in restaurants, someone who takes me on dates in the day, someone who..."

"Doesn't have a wife." Douglas finishes for him. 

"I'm not here to have this fight, Douglas, not again. I'm here because he proposed to me an hour ago."

As if it couldn't have gotten any worse.

"No," Douglas breathes, feeling numb. "please tell me you didn't say yes."

"I told him about us. I explained the seven-year story. He doesn't want to marry someone who is in love with someone else, so told me to find you and give you an ultimatum, just like Frank did.  And so that's what I'm doing."

Brandon pushes himself off of the bench, takes a deep breath, and kneels onto the floor, the snow soaking his jeans. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a velvet box of his own. Douglas moves to speak, but finds himself immobilised, mesmerised on the man in front of him. 

"Douglas Adam Washington, I was not expecting to find my soulmate in the way I did. But the universe works in magical is mysterious ways, and seven years later, here we are. Now...I can't say much more before I fall apart, but Douglas, you're everything for me. Whatever happens next, I know that I will love you the most for the rest of my life. So, Douglas, please, please, will you marry me?"

He opens the velvet box to reveal a ring, a ring which Douglas will later learn Brandon bought four years prior. 

Douglas is speechless. And then the tears come. 

Neither man has to say a thing. The answer was inevitable. 

It's the answer Brandon was expecting, but didn't want to hear. 

Brandon makes to leave, but not before Douglas clasps his wrist, his wet eyes a desperate question. 

They meet by the lips, their tears melting together, mixing with snowflakes and goodbyes. 

Douglas' hand moves up to hold Brandon's cheek in the way that he always would, while Brandon's arm snakes around Douglas' neck in the way that he always would. 

As painful goodbyes go, this has to be best and worst at the same time.

Douglas always knew this relationship was a ticking time bomb as long as he stayed married. He just didn't want to be proven right. 

After an eternity, they part. Douglas closes his eyes so he doesn't have to watch the love of his life leave. 

He can't even justify it to himself. The only thing stopping Douglas from running after him, is Douglas. 

When he opens his eyes again, he is alone. 

He sits down again on the bench.

And that's where he stays for the next three hours, crying in the snow. 

He doesn't even care if he gets hypothermia anymore. 

~

The song of the chapter is 'Dust is gone - night version' by MØ