Sarah Montana Living In The Boys' Dorm

Ch 80. The Art Of Losing And Accepting

It was burnt down. Everything. Even if it was surrounded with tapes saying danger and all those stuff that the police probably put up I went in. The walls were black. Pitch-black. Like it mattered right now. Everything I see or feel is black anyway.

I touched the wall that was clearly going to turn into ashes soon. Most of it fell down and created a huge pile of ashes. But I wished for it to hold. This was my home. My precious home. I went to my room.

The damage there wasn't as serious but there was nothing in there that made it. I was kind of lucky that I had moved to the dorm and moved most of my stuff there. But the one important thing that burnt up in my room was the dress my mom gave me. The diary I wrote before was burnt too but it wasn't that important, it was more for the fun's sake.

But I had forgotten about something else that meant so much for me. It was my life. It was where my passion was born. It was my grand piano.

It built a big mountain of useless crap that once was my treasure. Even if it was important, it wasn't more important than Chris. That was my little brother. Music can be recreated. But still... This was where my love for music began. Music made me continue forward without complaint.

Maybe you'd think that I'd be fine and move forward. Even I expected something like that after seeing movies with people losing their loved ones - but I finally understood what they felt even it they were all acting. I got their point. The first feeling you get is sorrow - that sorrow that drains your energy and makes you want to die, for real. 

The second is probably anger, which was something I went through at the hospital, letting it out on Darrén. And then the acceptment. Will I accept it? I don't think so. I'll try harder finding him.

He's in this world and I know it for sure. Chris may be slow and stupid but he's able getting out of a fire right? Anybody should be able to do it.

Even though I knew that he was gone deep inside my head I kept thinking up thoughts that he'd be alive. Reasons that he never died. I kept trying but I knew that with him gone like this it'd be impossible.

I leant to the wall. It wasn't stable and I knew it but I just didn't care less. It suddenly made a sound and fell down, with the whole wall on me. I couldn't move. It didn't hurt that much comparing to my hearts pain but it was heavy and I couldn't move an inch.

Maybe I should had just given up. I'll just stay here and die with Chris, just the same way except that this is the way I was supposed to die in the fire - right under a wall. Or I was crushed by a roof at the fire but anyway.

I'm coming for you Chris! I kind of couldn't believe how happy I sounded in my head when thinking that. But I couldn't help relaxing. It'll be worth it when I see his face.

¤¤¤

I've been here for hours. And my leg is all numb, I can't even feel it! It I'm supposed to die why can't I die immediately?! Do I have to die from hunger or what? I kind of wish that this wall had knives in it so that I could had joined Chris long time ago.

I'm at the limit right now. I'd really consider swallowing my tongue. No, forget it I'm not going to swallow my tongue I don't even know how to do it. But my stomach was growling like hell. I need food. I guess I'm dying the African way.

Several hours passed. Maybe a day soon. I could feel my phone vibrating but I couldn't move to take the call nor did I have the will to answer. But at the same time I regretted doing this. I looked at this from Chris' point of view. He'd never want me to kill myself for him. I've kind of forgotten why I'm doing this.

But it doesn't change the fact that I can't get out of here.

A tear slid down my cheek. I thought I was out of tears. I hate crying. I hate it when people see when I'm weak. It's humiliating. Not that anyone saw it right now.

It felt like I couldn't do a thing. I was stuck and I'd be stuck like this forever. I'd turn into ashes myself and blend into the ashes of my piano. Sounded good, but the thing is that I don't want to die yet. I have so many things to do.

I want to shop with Emíne and Ambreal. I want to hang out with Dan. I want to write music with Kevin. I want to visit my mom. And most of all be with Darrén. My head purpose of my life is probably being with Darrén. I owe him that much.

Or even more! I owe him my life! That's how much he has helped me. I can even consider being his slave, but I know that Darrén wouldn't allow that.

Did he really save me from the fire? He wouldn't lie so he probably did. But I don't remember a thing. I only remember telling myself that I'd die soon. I wonder how he saved me...

"Krystal?!" a loud voice yelled. 

"Krystal!" another one followed up.

I heard stomping that came closer and closer. The door was kicked open and it broke flying out in pieces.

"Krystal!" Darrén yelled as soon as he saw me under the big wall. Ambreal came in after a while. He lifted the wall with one hand without even trying and threw it away making some other walls falling down.

I wanted to smile but my face didn't listen to me. I was exhausted. I needed something to eat. He scooped me up with his right hand under my knees and the left arm supporting my back.

Maybe he saved me like this.

Sorry Chris, I won't be joining you. I have so many other people that are important to me here and I want to be with them. I don't want to make the same mistake of not being with them and then I'll be forced to realise what I've lost when they disappear.

I'll see you when I'm happy with my life and die while sleeping!

____________

Krystal made the right choice didn't she? 

People! I just realised that my story is really weird. Nothing goes together. I don't remember half of it... I just scanned through it to tag it and found out that there has been many kisses between Darrén and Krystal than I remember. Sorry lol, nothing in this story goes togther anymore...

I was actually planning that this story would be about the bet, but turned to a whole different angle which is so typical me to make a huge change afterwards.

But my new story won't be that complicated so look forward to it!

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