Remember the Time

Chapter 18

She shot up, gasping for air. Michael was sitting next to her with a notepad in his lap.

"Mariah, what's wrong?" He asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Mariah screamed and got up from the bed, hyperventilating. "Stay away from me!"

"Mimi, calm down. It's just me." He said worriedly. He sat his notebook aside and walked towards her.

Mariah could hear Michael's voice, but all she could see was Tommy. As Michael inched closer she backed into a corner of the bedroom, shaking. "No, please. Don't hurt me."

He frowned and took a step back. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Yes you are." She whispered.

He got down on her level, holding out a hand to her. "I'm not. I promise."

She stared at his hand, frozen. Michael sighed and stood back up. He went back over to the bed and picked up his notebook.

"I'm sorry." His voice cracked. "I'll be in the other bedroom if you need me, okay?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Her nightmare was so lucid, it muddied her ability to separate it from reality.

As he backed out of the room, Michael turned to look at her--a gloss forming over his eyes. He turned back toward the door and walked out, the sound of his footsteps fading bit by bit.

January 21st, 1997

Michael found himself in one of the guest bedrooms, sprawled out on a bed. He tried to continue working on the song he was writing before Mariah blew up at him. He left their shared bedroom in an effort to give Mariah space to calm down from her PTSD episode.

Scribbled on solid white sketchpad paper were the following lyrics:

You're every lick baby

Your dog's a bitch baby

You make me sick baby

You soul survivor

She never cut from me

She never cut baby

I had to work baby

You just a rival

His pen hovered above the page as he thought about what he wanted to write next. Mariah's outburst weighed heavily in his mind, so he put the pad and pen to the side. It was three in the morning; he should've been sleeping, but he struggled. He just couldn't understand what led to such a violent reaction. He tried to calm her down like usual, but it seemed like she didn't even recognize him.

She falls asleep after some incredible sex and then...hates me and wants me to disappear?

All Michael wanted to do was help her. He hated that she was still affected by her marriage to Tommy. She never even told him the extent of the abuse, and probably never would, but it was definitely taking a toll on her.

Michael rolled over on his side and tried to get some sleep. He closed his eyes for a moment before rolling on his back and staring up at the ceiling. He tried closing his eyes again, but they snapped back open. His body was exhausted, but his mind was still wide awake, taunting him with the promise of sleep, only to remind him of his waking world.

As he lay there, his mind kept turning.

Mariah. The album. Pat's debt. The remainder of the tour. Starting a family.

He rolled over again, sighing. All he wanted was a few moments of sleep.

January 26th, 1997