Our Autumn Fire

Twenty-Six

    The normally secluded downtown cafe was abuzz with young college hipsters who had suddenly wised up to the location and good food. Elliot was seated at a table looking through the updates menu wondering why every single one of his regular hangouts were suddenly being changed. First it was Buchanan Arms, and now it was Terra Cafe. He told the waitress to bring two orders of avocado club sandwiches so that the meal would be ready to go by the time his guest arrived.

    The waitress took his menu and passed by a girl in brown curls who was looking for the person she was supposed to meet.

    Elliot raised his hand, and the girl came to claim her seat across from him.

    “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to me.”

    Cassidy gave him half a smile and put her purse in her lap.

    “Look, I know I was a jerk back at Spacemoose, and at the party, I should've said something.”

    Cassidy watched him but gave up no revelation of how she felt or what she was thinking.

    “I was just so pissed off because I tried so hard to get you, and then you just-” He stopped himself when he realized that any explanation would only sound like an excuse. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry about the way that I acted. No one deserves to be treated like that, and I shouldn’t have acted out. Can you forgive me?”

    Cassidy sighed. She had had a bittersweet feeling ever since Elliot had called her to meet for this lunch, and she wasn’t even sure why she agreed to it anymore. She told herself it was for closure since she had made up her mind that it would never work between her and Elliot. And this time it wouldn’t change. She wasn’t angry at him, not any more than she was at herself, but she wasn’t exactly happy. She understood why he had acted the way he did, but could she forgive him?

    “I really am sorry, you know.” His sincerity showed plainly in his voice and in his eyes. “Just please say that you forgive me.”

    Cassidy closed her eyes and tried to focus her thoughts. She didn’t hate Elliot, but she definitely didn’t feel the same that she had before. Love wasn’t a question anymore, or at least she thought. “Yeah, I can forgive you.”

    Elliot’s face lit up and his lips surrendered the biggest smile that had been on his face in a long time. He gave her a quick nod and said, “Thank you, Cas.”

    Cassidy sighed and let herself smile back while moving her purse to the side. “So what did you order anyway.”

    Elliot pointed to a table near them where one of the girls had an avocado club sandwich on her plate. “That.”

    “Oh that looks delicious!”

    “Best in town. Once you’ve had it here, you won’t want to eat an avocado turkey and ham sandwich anywhere else.”

    “Is that so?”

    “Indeed it is!”

    Cassidy laughed feeling that the heaviness in her chest had finally lifted. She enjoyed how she and Elliot were back to joking around as usual with their pseudo-flirtatious banter. But the thoughts of the recent past remained in her mind.

    Elliot was glad that the roughest part in his relationship with Cassidy had been smoothed over, but he too had a mind set on what had gone on between them recently.

    They kept up their back and forth conversations throughout the meal, but as they waited on the bill, Elliot felt the need to address the real reason he had called Cassidy out.

    “So, I’m sure you guessed, but I didn’t just ask you out to apologize.”

    Cassidy put down the napkin she had been wiping her hands with. “I didn’t think so.” Her mood was somber again.

    Elliot twitched the corners of his mouth up for a second.

    “So why did you ask me here?”

    He sat up straighter and put his elbows on the table. “I wanted to talk about us.”

    Cassidy had guessed what he was going to say, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “What about us?”

    “You were right. We are way too dysfunctional.” He grinned and Cassidy nodded her head. “But I don’t think you were right about us having no chance of making it.” He scratched his head. “If we tried, we would have been fine. No, we would’ve been great.”

    Cassidy opened her mouth to say something, but Elliot held up a hand in protest to let him finish everything he had wanted to get out.

    “But that’s all in the past. I want to talk about us right now. You, me, here, in this very moment. I don’t want you out of my life Cassidy Latton. You mean too much to me now.” He looked at the palms of his hands to help gather his thoughts. “But it’s a different kind of love. I don’t think we can ever go back to how we were. It just won’t work anymore.” He watched himself flex his writing hand. “I can’t just cut you out of my life because we’re too connected to be able to pull that off, so I just want to make it clear.” He looked up into her eyes. “I don’t have feelings for you like that anymore.” He narrowed his eyes as an involuntary defense against backlash, but none ever came. “I think we can be great friends but nothing more.” He sighed and lowered his gaze to let Cassidy respond.

    Cassidy was not sure what to say. She had realized that Elliot was not the type of man she wanted as a lifetime partner. And the type of man that Elliot was would never be the type of man she could give herself to completely. He had somehow expressed her own thoughts more eloquently than she had been able to explain to herself. She didn’t want him out of her life, but she couldn’t ever go back to seeing him as a potential mate. He was right. She had been right. They were too dysfunctional. “I feel the same way.”

    A moment of silence passed between them as smiles slowly crept onto their faces.

    “Here’s the bill,” the waitress said as she zoomed by to the next table that needed her attention.