Desolation ✔️

Chapter 31: Dead End

I nod.

While I don't like mentioning the names of the fallen, Becca speaks openly about them like distant memories between friends who are only away for a short while. Over meals, a glowing smile will light up her face, her eyes radiant with heart and soul as she reminisces. "Oh, I had a friend-Ellis-who once told me this joke..." Or, "I actually fell from a stadium! Thank goodness Ellis was there..." Or, "Monty loved books, so I read him..." Everyone listens intently; when she takes the floor, it's all eyes on her. She lights the place up.

But only I manage to catch the pain in her eyes when everyone looks away. A tear she wipes away as swiftly as if she's brushing hair from her eyes. She'll meet my eyes and we share sad smiles and an understanding that no one will ever know. No one even asks what happened to all our "friends." Probably because everyone already knows.

I can't imagine what I'd do if I came here without her.

After Carter found me, I told him where to find Becca and the others were on it instantly. Becca broke down immediately when she saw me at the gates of Ostford, emotion overwhelming her small and fragile body. She was clutching my note, recounting the pain she felt when she thought I had died. Her emerald eyes were so pained... Her limbs were weak and she couldn't stand. Soot coated her cheeks and she broke down, finally grieving the loss of Monty, the loss of Ellis, the loss of...yeah.

Because she was so weak, Derrick helped Becca up and walked her inside. He cleaned her up and dried her tears, a gesture I longed for by a certain someone whose name I never mention. Since then, Becca hasn't cried and Derrick won't leave her side.

I can't help but speculate something deeper is going on between them, but every time I bring it up, Becca changes the subject.

"He...um..." I clear my throat, still stroking the notebook in my hands. Back to the present. "Ellis made things a little easier to get through."

Carter sits with me, his eyes trailing over my hands. "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you."

I look up at him. He's cut his hair so the bangs don't quite fall over his eyes now. Strands stick up in front like a certain someone I shouldn't keep thinking about. A permanent indentation caused by fracture deepens by his cheekbone where told me a hazmat hit him with a gun, and a scar runs down his collar bone and disappears under his navy shirt. Permanent injuries from the beatings. He's suffered just the same.

I shake my head. "Don't be sorry. You were there..." There wasn't a single moment his presence left me; I thought about him constantly. And while it's different than how I wanted it to be, at least he was there at my darkest hour.

Or darkest eternity. The pain still hasn't really left. I don't think it ever will.

"Yeah...you know what happened at the Safe House?"

"Somewhat."

He leans back on his arms, and once again his eyes trail up my arms where bruises once were, where I'd been poked so many times. He appears to want to reach out, but resists.

"You asked for pain meds, and I planned on getting them to you. But I passed the stairwell and heard... I don't know... thuds, noise, panicked voices. I went to see what was going on and found the Hazmats in the lobby. They didn't see me yet. I plotted to get you to the car somehow unnoticed and take off, but I had to search for another exit. While I searched, I had Millie lock your door from the inside in case they hunted for you. They spotted me instantly and I stood no chance at that point. They dragged Millie out next since she wouldn't let them take me."