Across Her Universe • Alex Turner Fanfic

(45) After All She's Your Girl

"Matt, I'm not saying it again: I'm not going – and I don't care, you won't change my mind, I'm sorry" said Alex through the distorted telephone line.

"You promised that you'll go with me, mate" said Matt with an accusative tone, "Do I really have to refresh your memory? You solemnly swear to come with me to support Brea tonight, you promised"

"I know Matt, but things change, stuff happens, and I really can't make it tonight" said Alex as he trembled with his own tongue, trying to escape from further explanations.

"Then I'd like to know what's more important than supporting your best friend's girlfriend" demanded Matt, "And breaking your promise"

But what was Alex going to tell him? What kind of lie could he say to escape from Matt's questions that only had one straight answer? He didn't want to say her name, not even think about him. Alex was in a complete state of denial with everything that happened in these past days, and he convinced himself that if he maybe didn't talk about Arabella, or even thinking about her the slightest, maybe he would find some sort of peace in his unquiet mind. But as minutes turned into hours, and hours into days, Alex realized that the only thing that he was achieving was to impregnate his whole being with the memories of Arabella, as if his brain was constructed as an never-ending film that would constantly roll on, showing him multiple scenes that contained the most beautiful and saddest moments that she spent with her, repeating themselves over and over again, without an ending or a beginning – just reiteration.

"I just can't, ok?" limited Alex to respond in a cold and pissed tone.

There was a silence between their telephonically connection, a quietness that made Alex feel unbearably uncomfortable.

"Alex, what's going on?" said Matt with a paternal tone, revealing Alex's emotions that were in disguise.

Alex vacillated for a moment before answering, "Nothing" he said, almost in a quite whisper.

"No – don't give me that crap" replied Matt, "Something's going on, and you don't wanna tell me"

"You're imagining things, Matthew" were the only words that came out of Alex's mouth.

"Then why do you sound like that?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, you sound – defeated" said Matt with all his sincerity.

And that was exactly how Alex felt. He didn't looked surprise, after all Matt was his best friend, he knew Alex more than he did himself.

"I'm alright... You're just exaggerating things" was the only respond that Alex could give to Matt's assumptions, "I'm just, you know... tired. We've been rehearsing a lot and – "

"Did you fight with Arabella or something like that?" interrupted Matthew, not letting Alex finishing his sentence.

The way in which her name echoed through the telephone line in what seemed a death and repeating silence made Alex feel a strange nervousness that was soon followed by a melancholic sadness. He didn't liked the way in which her name came out of Matt's lips; it sounded so mundane and normal when he called her name, like there wasn't anything special about it. For Alex, the name Arabella was probably one of the most beautiful words ever written, and every time he said her name it was like hearing all of the most extraordinary sounds in the world collide with one another. He genuinely loved the way in which his mouth opened and closed, drawing the path with the tip of his tongue and the curve of his lips, which resulted in the name Arabella. But the most adventurous and superb step of the journey that his tongue made was when he said "Bella" – most specifically the word "Lla". The way in which the tip of his tongue escalated to the meeting of his hard palate, casually touching his front teeth in some unique occasions, was exactly as beautiful as observing how the sun rises from a peaceful but empowering ocean. But when Matt said her name, it sounded so plain – so ordinary and dull, that it made him a little bit mad, even though he didn't really knew why.

"Alex, you still there?" repeated Matt through the telephone line, bringing Alex back to the real life.

"Yeah, sorry – what did you said? I was grabbing something from the fridge and didn't hear what you'd said" said Alex, thinking from a believable excuse.

Matt doubted before asking again, "I asked if you and your girlfriend had a fight or somethin'"

Alex hesitated for a second, "She's not my girlfriend..."

"Well, whatever she is – don't know what you call each other" said Matt without really caring, "As if I cared"

Alex didn't told anybody what happened between Arabella and him because he felt that given the circumstances in which they were – going on tour in less than a month, constantly rehearsing and therefore repeatedly bumping into The Golden Jaggers in meetings – it was the best if there weren't any inconvenient that would sacrifice the motivation and devotion that everyone was placing on the new album and its success. The last thing he wanted was all the attention drifting towards him and his love life. He didn't wanted everyone to act like he was depressed or that he needed to be treated with more care or tenderness; Alex already went through that experience once, and he wasn't even thinking about experiencing it twice. Or even worst, what if they delayed or postposed the release of the album? What if Laurence even takes out The Golden Jaggers from the Arctic Monkeys tour? Alex knew that Laurence was genuinely capable of doing something like that. Was he really going to be that selfish? No, he wasn't. Alex knew how hard both of the bands worked for this album and for making this world tour the best, he wasn't going to let everything collapse in front of his eyes when he knew that he could prevent it. Yes, it was a way of denying the reality that he was forced to live in, but he didn't cared, and he knew that probably due to the way of how silent and private Arabella was with everything, she acted and thought the same way as Alex did. Otherwise if she had already said something then Alex's phone would probably be blowing itself from the extreme number of phone calls and texts messages that it was receiving, but the only one who called him during all the day was Matt, and he didn't seemed to have a clue of what was going on.

He didn't have a concrete answer or resolution for this problem, but for now, he was just sticking up to his plan of remaining silent and oblivious to his relationship with Arabella; as if nothing ever happened at all.

"No, we're just fine" said Alex.

"Just fine?" asked Matt.

"Yeah, just fine"

"Then why the hell won't you come and support not only your best friend but also your lady?" said Matt quite annoyed, "After all she's your girl and she's performing whether your there or not – but you might as well just go and show some love, you know"

"And I know that you two probably had a fight or summat" added Matt, "So just go and talk to her, mate. Try to sort your problems out! This is the chance of putting your shit together, both of you – after all, you're gonna going on tour together so you better sort your differences sooner or later"

Alex couldn't help but think that Matt had a point right there, even though that both of them were referring to completely different situations. Truth was that the idea of seeing Arabella again was a painful reminder of all not only the loving memories they constructed together, but also the main problem for their breakup. To see her again, after knowing everything about her past, was something that he couldn't bear. Despite all, Alex wanted to remind Arabella for the good things of their relationship and not for the one thing that destroyed it. Even when he was thinking about the possibility of seeing her, it was something that he just couldn't cope with; his heart would practically finish breaking entirely.

But then again, maybe if Alex was keeping up with the plan of pretending that nothing bad happened between Arabella and him, he still needed to make sure that the plan was both-sided, and that Arabella also agreed with his terms. Even if it was the most unbearable pain to see her again, Alex was willing to make it happen in order to just spend another tour on peace, as well as a decent and normal relationship with her. After all, he was going to see her every day for numerous months; if now wasn't the moment to cool things down between each other, when will it be? Not when they saw each other on the plane for the first time after weeks, that's for sure.

Alex thought about it a couple of more seconds before answering Matt.

"Text me the address later, will you?" he finally said.