All Too Well- Riarkle

Chapter 5:Cold

He gulped, glancing down at his feet. ''it was hard moving to Oregon, and if I'm being honest, I felt like eventually you'd all forget about me. Talking with all of you was painful, knowing you all had each other and I was alone''

Riley felt her heart sink.

''I'm sorry. From every part of my soul, I'm really sorry I did that to you, Riley. I didn't know Zay and Lucas would end up leaving you, I didn't know your parents had passed until later and I was too ashamed to contact you after so long.

But I remembered every moment we had together all too well, and eventually I knew I had to come back to see you at least once more, even if you did hate me. I want to make it up to you, I want to fix that broken promise I made to you the night before I left''

''Farkle-''

''I know what you're going to say, but let me finish. I talked to Lucas and Zay a few days ago, and they told me they felt horrible about what they did to you in high school. They miss you just as much, and they want to go back to how things were too. I suggested we have dinner together, and just talk everything through. I talked to Maya already, and she's willing to do it if you are''

''Things won't ever go back to how they were'' she spoke, softly. ''I'm sorry''

''I know, but we can try''

Riley tucked a strand of her dark hair behind her ear, turning her head to face him. She could clearly see how distressed he looked, with a hopeful twinkle to his eye. ''Okay, you had your five minutes, and now it's my turn''

Clearing her throat, she stood up straighter. ''Farkle Minkus, for the longest time, I've imagined this moment. I imagined what I would yell, and I looked forward to seeing your hurt face. I wanted you to feel what I had felt for the past, or at least a part of it, but I can't.

Having you in front of me has made me realized how much I've missed you, even though I don't really want to admit it.

I'm still angry at a lot of things. I'm angry that I never got a text, or a Skype call, or a letter or anything to tell me you were doing okay. I'm angry that I only had Maya to lean on when my parents died in that stupid accident. I'm angry that the one guy, besides my dad and my brother, who I thought would never hurt me, did''

She saw Farkle's head fall, a deep frown on his lips. ''But I'm not angry at you''

His head instantly stared up rapidly, his eyes widened. ''What?''

''Farkle, you've been my best friend since we were seven years old, I could never be mad at you. It was mostly hurt, and hearing how alone you felt back in Oregon, made me realize I wasn't the only one hurting.''

His faced had softened dramatically. ''Riley, I'm really sorry''

''I forgive you'' she responded immediately. ''I really do, but I think it's best if we just go our own ways''

''What?'' he asked, raising his eyebrows.

''I forgave you, and now I know you're okay. That's all I really wanted. But it won't do us any good to want to go back to being best friends. You're doing your thing, and I'm doing mine, and if we do eventually find our way back to each other, I'll honestly be glad. But it's been too long, and there's no point of wanting to bring back an old friendship''

''Is that how you really feel?'' his voice was flat, but there was a slight waver to it.

Riley sighed, nodding, even if she knew she was screaming something else on the inside. ''Yeah''

There was silence for what felt like a long minute.

''I understand'' Farkle rose up, handing the blanket back to her. Tucking his lips up into a dry grin, he began making his way towards the bay window. ''I'll be here if you need me. See you around, I guess''

''Yeah, see you''

Farkle crawled out of the window, and soon enough he was back to his car. Hitting his fists on the steering wheel, he let out a loud curse before driving away.

Riley simply turned off the lights to her room and cuddled into the blankets on her bed.

She knew it was the right decision, seeing as it saved her from another future heartache, but never had she felt such a mixture of emotions fly through her.

Should she have done that? Now she wasn't so sure.

Surely knowing she'd had an honest conversation with him and having had told him what she thought was for the best, should've made her feel better. Instead, it had made her feel worse, and even more knowing how remorseful he really was.

After shifting constantly on her bed for what seemed like half an hour, she walked to the kitchen and pulled out some sleeping pills from the cabinets. Taking two and swallowing them, she slowly made her way back to her bedroom.

She needed something to made her go to sleep, because heaven knows, just thinking about Farkle Minkus would keep her up all night.