Family Doesn't End in Blood, But it Doesn't Start There Either

Parent Problems

"Look, Mrs. Harrison, I'm not trying to be a jerk or start an argument, but Sarah has had a tough life. She just wants to be somewhere she feels loved."

"No. She is our child and we are adopting her. End of story."

"Do you even care? Did you ever care about your daughter?" He asked angrily.

"I tried. Ok? I tried. I was trying to kick the habit when she was born. I wanted to be a good mom but I couldn't. My husband was out robbing stores and houses and was getting out of hand. I got high to cope and ended up neglecting the kids in the process. I never hurt her, my husband did. I tried to get out but I couldn't. I called the cops but they took her away from me because of my addiction too. She was stripped from me before she really knew who I was. She was only 3. I just want a chance to start over or at least see my little girl."

"Is your husband out of jail?"

"No. He gets out soon though. In a couple weeks"

"Listen, I understand that you want to start over, but I still don't think that's best for her. I'll make a deal with you. We'll fly out to wherever you are and meet you at the courthouse. We will switch the papers over and adopt her then we'll let you see your daughter for the rest of the day. How does that sound?"

"Really? You're gonna let me see her?"

"Yes, but we are going to be in the room with her at all times."

"Ok. I understand that. That sounds like a plan."

"What city do you live in?" He asked.

"Jefferson City, Missouri. I left to go there to get a fresh start."

"Ok. How about Saturday you meet us there at 1pm?"

"I'll be there. And Sarah, if you're listening still, I'm sorry." I didn't reply and Jared hung up. I got a major dizzy spell and nearly fell over. I didn't think I was going to pass out, but the room began to spin. Jared caught me.

"Hey. Hey. Sarah? Are you ok?" I nodded.

"Yeah. Just upset and got dizzy."

"Why don't you go lie down?" He helped me back to bed and I laid there. "I didn't mean for you to reveal so much about how life has been for you. I want to be your adoptive dad but that doesn't mean you have to tell me everything."

"I know. I feel like you deserve to know what you're getting into with me though." I told him.

"You don't have to tell me anything."

"I want to. Well, first, about the foster care families- none of them kept me very long because the cops came to almost every one of them. I was abused a lot. Physically and mentally only thank God, but life sucked. I have never been loved. The more I defied authority, the more chance I had of getting out. I hope I haven't been defying you in any way. I've found that I do it unintentionally sometimes. I was so sick and tired of the beatings. I still have scars, I had bruises for what felt like ages. They said so many nasty things to me. I never felt good enough, I never felt like I mattered, I never felt loved, and most of the time, I still don't. The threats from people about the competition reminded me of all of that. I question everything nowadays. I question what everyone says. Half the time I take everything Jensen, Danneel, Misha, you, or Gen say to me with a grain of salt. I've been hurt my whole life and who's to say it won't happen again? You're gonna be the 12th family I've lived with. Many just gave me back but some were arrested. That's another fear I have of agreeing to you adopting me-that you're gonna be just like all the others. I just didn't have the guts to tell you." I told Jared sadly. He joined me, sitting by my feet on the bed.

"Sarah, why didn't you just say that?"

"Because I was scared. I know you're an incredibly nice and kind person and I look up to you so much, but I was scared you would be mad that I don't trust you more than that and then I'd be forced to run." I explained.

"I'd never hurt you, Sarah. Ever. Neither would Gen, Danneel, Jensen, or Misha. Do the guys know you've been wary of trusting them?"

"I don't know."

"Ok. That's beside the point. I can't believe what you've gone through. I tell everyone to always keep fighting in terms of mental health problems mostly, but it applies to you too. Keep pushing on. You matter. Can you explain why you don't feel loved?" He asked. I shook my head. "I'm not mad. I swear."

"Because I don't know what being loved feels like. I never have been."

"Sarah, being loved is when someone cares more about you than themselves, when they genuinely care about you and how you feel, when they would literally take a bullet for you and not hesitate, when they want you to be happy for your benefit, not theirs, and so much more. Love is a sacrifice you choose to make. Gen and I love you, Sarah. The boys and Jensen and Misha and Danneel and everyone else love you too." I nodded as more tears fell. "About the whole defying authority stuff, you haven't defied anyone. You're a good kid. We have very few rules and they're common sense: don't leave without asking and telling us where, no slamming doors, and be polite. I like to add talk to us if you're upset, but if you don't feel like talking, none of us will make you." He replied. He was so considerate of my feelings and making sure I was ok. He truly did love me.

"I love you so much. Those rules really are common sense. Do you think Jensen and Misha can tell I don't trust them?" I asked. I didn't want them to have a bad impression of me.

"I think they probably do. I'll talk to them about it."

"Ok. I know the boys probably want to see me, but-"

"Go ahead and rest. It's ok. You're dealing with a lot." I nodded and ended up falling asleep.