Lost and Insecure

Chapter 18

       "Oh my god, Lexa?" Costia stared with wide, brown eyes as fear, recognition, and anger washed across Lexa's face all at once. The girls mirrored each other's surprised expressions, gaping at one another for a few quiet seconds. Then, Lexa cleared her throat slightly, steeled herself, and pushed past Costia.

"Excuse me, sorry. I can't...." Lexa trailed off as she strode quickly out the lobby doors and into the parking lot. She was feet away from her car when she felt a hand grip her shoulder.

"Wait, Lex, please-"

She reeled on Costia, "Don't call me that and don't you dare touch me." Lexa's eyes were sharp and dangerous, daggers against Costia's porcelain skin. She drew back from the brunette with a distinct look of hurt that offended Lexa because how dare she act hurt. She has no right.

"Lexa please, I just..." Costia's voice died out as she searched Lexa's eyes for some sign of understanding, a small hint of forgiveness hidden among the shades of green. She found nothing but cold hatred and hurt clouded by brimming tears.

Lexa looked down at the asphalt beneath her shoes, her hands clenched into tight fists and shoved deep inside her front pockets. "What do you want, Costia?" She hissed, her voice heavy with irritation and anger.

Costia stared at her and shook her head lightly. She reached up to scratch the back of her neck, messing with the stray strands of bleach blonde hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail. Her mouth opened, but she simply closed it and shook her head again when no words came.

Lexa scoffed, "Of course. How typical of you to just show up after years and have nothing to say for yourself. I can't believe you."

Lexa had her car door halfway open when Costia came rushing towards her, pushing a hand against the door to slam it shut again. Lexa sighed and leaned on the car, her head falling back against the window.

"I'm sorry, okay? I know I shouldn't have confronted you like this, it wasn't fair. I just...I just needed to speak to you again, to hear your voice. You said my name in there and I, uh.. I don't know I just needed to hear more, I guess. I needed to know it was really you. I didn't think I'd ever see you again, Lex," Costia's lip crooked up in one corner, the small smile that used to drive Lexa crazy.

It sure as hell was driving her crazy now, but in a completely different way. "I told you not to call me that," Lexa grumbled at the ground as she kicked some gravel around with her sneaker.

Costia wrung her fingers together, a habit Lexa remembered her having since they were kids. "Well, how have you been?" she asked, a bit quieter than intended. Lexa's feet stopped kicking. She knit her eyebrows together, slowly looking up to stare at the blonde.

"How...have I..been?" she repeated. Lexa took a step closer to her, "How have I been?!" her voice was  a near shout, anger pulsing through her veins, causing her head to throb. She forced out a humorless laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. "Do you even know, Costia? Do you know what you put me through? The pain and betrayal, are you oblivious to it all? Or do you just not care, is that it?"

Costia gave her a bewildered look, "How can you say that? Of course I care, Lexa. I always have. You left in the middle of the night, with no warning. You broke my heart and just left me by myself to put it back together again. Did you ever even stop to think about how I felt?" Costia's voice quavered as she stared pleadingly into Lexa's angry eyes.

"No, you know what, I didn't. Not for one second did I worry about how you felt, Costia. I was too busy trying to find a place to sleep at night and scrounging for money so maybe, just maybe I wouldn't go to bed hungry," Lexa was shaking, trying desperately to contain her rage, "How dare you say I broke your heart. I risked everything so we could be together. I knew what would happen if we got caught and yet, for some reason, I let myself fall for you. Loving you was the dumbest thing I've ever done."