Lost and Insecure

Chapter 15

Clarke was getting a bit tired of watching Lexa pace back and forth, one fingernail being assaulted by her teeth.

"You're going to wear a line into my hardwood" Clarke joked. Lexa barely even heard her.

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Lexa, honey" she warned. Lexa just chewed on her fingernail in response, still pacing the floor in front of the sofa where an annoyed Clarke sat.

"Lexa!" Her voice hinted at her irritation. Finally, the taller girl stopped in her tracks and glared at Clarke.

"Yes?" Lexa hissed, her words mumbled by the finger that was still in her mouth. Clarke scoffed at the girl's anxious expression, a tinge of fear in her emerald eyes.

"Uh, you're pacing"

Lexa sighed, her hand retreating away from her mouth to flop down to her side. "I'm sorry I'm just nervous, and when I'm nervous I pace."

She dramatically fell onto the couch next to Clarke and let out a long breath. Clarke reached over and brushed dark curls away from Lexa's neck and rubbed soothing circles onto the newly exposed skin.

"Why are you so nervous? It's just my mom, though, admittedly, she can be a bit scary sometimes. Either way I'm here for you, you know that," Clarke gave her a sincere look. "And I know you're scared about school but, like I said, I'll be there for you through that, too. You're so smart and talented, Lex. I don't doubt you'll get the sponsorship."

Lexa closed her eyes and nodded. She knew she was smart, and maybe even somewhat talented. But there's always a part of her, a small voice in the back of her head telling her she can't do it. You're not good enough. They won't like you. You're just going to fail...

She placed a delicate hand on Clarke's thigh and looked up into her starry eyes. Both girls smiled at each other and Lexa didn't even need to thank her, Clarke could read it in her expression and so she just nodded at Lexa and continued to massage the back of her neck.

"You really need to relax though, your muscles are all tightened up," Clarke stated as she focused very determinedly on rubbing out the knots in Lexa's upper back.

Lexa scoffed, "I wasn't aware you were a masseuse." She immediately took back the words, however, when Clarke's hands managed to soothe a particularly aching spot on her upper shoulder.

"Haha, smart ass. You happen to learn a thing or two when your mom is a seasoned doctor, and how to give a damn good massage just so happens to be one of them" Clarke mumbled.

"Noted," Lexa chimed before turning to allow Clarke a better angle. She grunted and, to Clarke's amusement, occasionally moaned as Clarke worked her hands over her back.

"Are you girls both decent or should I wait in the hall?" a familiarly chipper voice called from across the loving room. Clarke turned to see her mom standing with one hand shielding her eyes and the other clutching a leather-bound notebook to her chest.

"Mom..?" Clarke asked, her hands retreating from Lexa. Abby peered between her fingers at the two very confused and, to her surprise, very clothed girls.

"Oh...sorry. I thought I heard um...I thought you two were, like.....you know what, never mind! Lexa, it's great to see you again, darling!" Abby rambled.

Clarke and Lexa looked at each other, both with the exact same redness in their faces. Lexa scratched her forehead and straightened herself on the couch, "Yes, of course, Mrs. Griffin. Great to see you too.."

Abby seated herself neatly in the chair across from her daughter and ran a hand over her skirt, smoothing out the wrinkles. "So, this should be relatively easy, Lexa, I just need some basic information on your background and the rest I will consult with the Board. Does that sound okay?"

Lexa looked back and forth between Abby's eyes and considered this. She nodded gingerly when Clarke reached over and grabbed her hand in her own. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Okay, great!" Abby chimed, bending forward to open up her notebook, she glanced back up at Lexa and clicked her pen, "Let's get started then, shall we?"
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Lexa had, a bit reluctantly, retold the story of her parents and how she had bounced from home to home, with Abby listening intently and taking notes when needed.

"You mentioned you had one home that you lived in for quite some time. You wouldn't happen to have the names or contact information of your caregivers, would you?"

Lexa stiffened in her seat. She did have names, and even contact information, but what would happen if she gave them to Abby? Would she try to contact them? They'd just tell her what a "useless whore" Lexa was.

Clarke gripped Lexa's hand tighter and looked up at her mother. "Is that really necessary, Mom?" she asked timidly.

Abby opened her mouth to answer, but Lexa cut her off. "No, it's fine Clarke. Mrs. Griffin, I could write it down for you if that would help."

Abby smiled, nodded, and slid her notebook and pen across the coffee table. Lexa hesitantly picked it up, writing the names and numbers of Costia's parents on the paper. She sighed and set it down, offering the notebook back to Abby. Clarke watched her cautiously, searching in her eyes for the emotion Lexa was surely  hiding.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? You don't have to do this." Clarke whispered to Lexa as her mother rifled through some papers.

Lexa turned to her and offered a small smile. "I know that, Clarke, but I have to be okay." She gave the blonde's hand a gentle squeeze. Clarke continued to watch her carefully, though Lexa's eyes were glued to the table in front of her.

"Just so you know, Mrs. Griffin, I left that home for a reason. My point is that things didn't exactly end on a good note, so I just want you to be advised of that," Lexa took a while to finish her thought as she struggled to find the right words.

Abby nodded at her with a smile, "Okay, thanks for letting me know." Lexa returned the smile and held Clarke's hand even tighter.

Abby glanced up from the folder she was leaning over long enough to see the girls' hands intertwine, but didn't comment on it. She fit all her papers inside her folder, closed the notebook, and un-clicked her pen. She stacked it all and set it down on the table with a definite smack, as if making the whole thing official.

"Okay, I've got everything I need from you. I will submit the information to the Board and they'll take it from there! I must say, Lexa, you've got an interesting history and quite the set of talents. I don't make the official decision but, if I had any say in it, I would offer you the sponsorship." Abby smiled at Lexa with warm eyes and offered her hand forward.

Lexa grinned back and reached out to shake it, only to be pulled into Abby's arms for a tight hug.

"Thank you, Mrs. Griffin, I can't tell you how much this means to me," Lexa whispered into Abby's shoulder. She pulled away from the young girl and gripped her forearm, looking intently into her eyes.

"You're welcome, honey," she smiled again at Lexa then turned to retrieve her things from the table. "Alrighty, I better get going! Wouldn't want to intrude on...anything. You take care of my Clarkey, Lexa, promise?" Abby ignored Clarke's eye roll.

Lexa looked down into Clarke's eyes, seeing the stars shimmer in her irises. Clarke reached out and tugged on Lexa's hand, squeezing it with small fingers.

Lexa blushed and turned back to Abby, who was watching the two with a knowing look.
"I promise."
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