Lost and Insecure

Chapter 17

"Well long time no see, bitch!"

Lexa scoffed at Octavia as she set her bag on the table next to the other girl's lunch. She'd never been in the break room of Arkadia Country Club, but the polished granite counter tops and neatly aligned  tables were not what she'd expected. Then again, seeing as how even the toilet paper at the club was expensive, she wasn't all that surprised the break room looked like something out of  a magazine.

"Yeah, I know, sorry I've been really busy lately. I've just had so much stuff to do it's crazy," Lexa slouched into the chair across from her friend, letting out a long breath. Octavia popped a few blueberries into her mouth and snickered.

"By 'stuff' do you mean Clarke?"  Octavia laughed at her own joke through a mouthful of fruit. Lexa rolled her eyes, reaching out to pelt the girl with a berry.

"What is it with you Blakes and immaturity? Jesus," she chuckled despite herself and toyed with her bracelet. "Speaking of Clarke, is she around? She mentioned not having a lunch today so I thought I'd surprise her with her favorite," Lexa motioned to the paper bag containing Clarke's usual order from her favorite burger place.

Octavia knit her eyebrows together, "I haven't seen her since her break started, sorry." She shrugged and sat forward in her chair, "But.....I'd be more than happy to take that food off your hands for you, since I don't have anything but some fruit and whatever a couple bucks can get me from the vending machine. Plus, we wouldn't want it to get cold, would we?" Octavia pouted her lips and raised both eyebrows.

Lexa hesitated, "But-"

"Dude come on, you're screwing my best friend. You owe me this much for causing me to have to put up with all of Clarke's rants about how fucking dreamy you are- not that she's wrong." Octavia snatched the bag from her and began pulling out the contents.

Lexa scoffed, "Okay, first of all, no ones 'screwing' anyone," she looked down into her lap and added quietly, "not yet, at least."

Octavia gagged jokingly, "Yeah make sure to give me a fair warning when that does happen because I'll make a note to avoid Clarke for at least a good day or two. God knows she's going to go on and on about it. Hell, you two haven't even hooked up, yet she still manages to drone on about you; it's honestly disgusting and I hold you completely accountable."

Lexa tilted her head, "Does she really talk about me?" she murmured, an embarrassing blush creeping onto her face.

"Uh, yeah. Like a lot," Octavia mumbled around a mouthful of french fries. She carefully chewed, swallowed, then ripped open a ketchup packet and squirted the contents directly into her mouth, earning a disgusted look from Lexa. She waited patiently as the younger girl devoured the rest of the food at an impressive pace. Finally Octavia wiped her face with a napkin and crumpled it into a ball, leaning forward to indicate she was now actually ready to talk.

"Okay listen here you useless lesbian," she began, tossing the napkin at Lexa's face. "Clarke may not show it, but she's a sensitive girl, and it is my duty as her best friend to protect her. Now, I'm not assuming you're going to hurt her, because you seem pretty harmless. But, nonetheless, I'm required to grill you about it."

Lexa held up a hand, "Wait, what did you just call-"

"Ah ah ah, shhh, don't interrupt," Octavia reached across the table to place a finger against Lexa's lips. She ignored the brunette's raised eyebrow and instead leaned back in her chair, cracking her fingers and clearing her throat, evoking an eye roll from the other girl. 

"Anyway...My point is, I know you both have been through a lot, emotionally. I would just hate to see your relationship end up on Clarke's extensive list of touchy subjects, you know? I know you're only a couple months in, but if you feel like you're not committed to this then I advise you talk to Clarke about it. Especially before you two go and hook up all the time because that shit makes Clarke get attached like crazy, and I don't want to have to piece together her heart because you end up to be another asshole who cared more about her bra size than her feelings. And I'm not saying you're gonna fuck up, because I've seen the way you look at her and I can tell there's something more there. I'm just warning you...Clarke is fragile."

Lexa mulled this over for a second, allowing time for the correct words to come to her. Finally, she tucked a dark curl behind her ear, leaned forward on the table, and said simply, "Between you and me, I'm pretty sure I love her."

Octavia smirked and nodded slowly. She drummed her fingers against the table a few times before meeting Lexa's expectant gaze. "Well shit, Woods," she laughed, standing up from the table and leaning against the back of the chair, "I guess my work here is done."

Lexa watched her throw away her trash and gather a few things into her bag. Her eyes followed Octavia across the room to where she stopped to lean against the door frame.

"Thanks for the lunch, by the way," Octavia added nonchalantly.

Lexa laughed, "Well I never actually offered it, but you're welcome. Hey, do me a favor and tell Clarke I stopped by if you see her. She was gone when I woke up this morning so I haven't seen her yet today, which is unusual."

Octavia gave her a look, "I thought you two hadn't, you know," she made an awkward pumping motion with two of her fingers that made Lexa cringe, "done the thing yet."

"Uh, yeah we haven't but I've been staying a few nights at Clarke's place just to give my roommate and her boyfriend some privacy- I guess I was being a bit of a 'cockblock', or however she put it."

Octavia nodded, "Ah, okay, I see. Well, like I said, give me a warning beforehand so I coincidentally fall gravely ill or perhaps have to suddenly leave the state for a day or two- however long it takes Clarke to chill out about it, really."

"Okay, Octavia, will do. Thanks for the company," Lexa smiled as she slid on her hoodie.

"See ya, bitch!" Octavia waved behind her as she strode off toward the locker rooms to prepare for her next shift. Lexa sighed and slung her backpack over her shoulder, deciding whether she should stay and see if she could catch Clarke or opt to meet up at home after she got off work. She was mulling over options for dinner as she made her way into the lobby when Lexa stumbled over her own feet and caught herself on the front desk counter. Looking down, she realized her left shoe was untied and was, undoubtedly, the cause of her embarrassing faux pas.

Lexa scanned the crowded lobby to make sure no one noticed her fall, then grumbled as she bent down to tie her shoe. She knotted the laces to her liking, then stood up to continue out the door.

When she rose up from her crouch, she was met with a painfully familiar face. Lexa audibly gasped at the brown eyes, which she once found so warm and loving, staring back at her. No.

The girls gaped at each other, neither saying a word. Lexa's mind was racing. There's no way.. But there was no doubting it. Everything from the freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks to the stray strands of silky blonde hair; she was just how Lexa had remembered, how she had tried not to remember.

"Lexa?" the girl breathed. The sound of her own name coming from those lips that she once cherished, pulled on something inside Lexa, it flicked a switch that caused her to nearly break down. Shut off completely right there in the lobby of the country club. 

But she didn't. She sucked in a breath, blinked twice, and held on to the last sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't her.

It can't be...

"..Costia?"

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