Remembered Light (Naruto FanFic)

Chapter Eleven

"I'm learning," He answered, scanning the page. "About people, friends,"

"But... that's a manga," I told him.

He smiled. "Yes, yes it is," he agreed. I shrugged, slipping off the bed and walking over to Sakura. 

"I wasn't kidding about that sleepover," I tease. She nods. "And Naruto, I want to train with you. I'm so much weaker then before," I stare at my hand, clenching it in anger. That complete bastard Orochimaru.

"Well, don't be in such a rush, both of you! Right now your mission is to rest and recover," Kakashi steps back in the room. "

"Kakashi-sensei," Both me and Naruto turn to him, but Kakashi cuts us off.

"Especially you, Naruto! I'm warning you, the training waiting for you could put you back into the hospital, or worse. And Keira, no matter how much you say you are, we can sense you aren't fully recovered, at least your mind isn't," He warned.

"Okay, I get it," Naruto moaned while I nodded. I've forgotten how perceptive and aware Kakashi is of everything.

Kakashi bids us farewell, and I glance over to Sakura. "It's nearly dinner time, let's go get some food," I stand along with Sakura.

"No, don't leave us here!" Naruto begs us. "Sai and I will be forced to eat disgusting hospital food!" 

"Girl's night!" I shout back to Naruto, quickly closing the door. Me and Sakura giggle at his desperate yells that follow us down the hallway.

I didn't think Keira would even know the meaning of a girl's night, much less decide to have one, Sakura mused.

"Hey! I resent that," I laugh.

She yelps. "Stop reading my mind," She swats my arm.

We go out to eat, and I fall back into my old personality a little more, allowing some of the pain to show through. Sakura notices but has the tact not to mention it.

We go to her house, greeting her mother and father then running upstairs. I collapse on the floor with a sigh as she pulls out two futons. It's only eight and I'm already exhausted. I get up to help her, talking and laughing as we pull blankets and pillows to the floor.

We finally situate ourselves, and Sakura turns to me. "So," She begins.

"So," I echo, getting the feeling to where this is going.

"What happened?" She asked bluntly. She wasn't the same shy, uncertain girl as she once was.

I feel the tears prickle the back of my eyes. "I made several mistakes," I admitted. "I.. I... Ugh, the words..." I trail off, unable to find the words to describe the situation.

Sakura reached over to my bag, which I haven;t even dropped off at home yet. Rifling through it, she pulls out some pocky, tossing it to me, then pulls out a small rectangular book.

I look up from the pocky I was eating and sighed. Of course. She knew me so well. Sakura handed me the book, not eve saying anything, just sitting and waiting. I flip the journal open until I reach a blank page. Putting another piece of pocky in my mouth, I begin to write.

She doesn't try to see what I write. She doesn't try to hurry my progress. She just sits and waits. Sakura definitely had her faults, but when it came down to it, she was a true friend.

I sat up straighter when I finished, hand inky from scribbling so fast. Realizing I was done, Sakura woke from her doze, ready to hear me sing. 

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)
Life is a gift like fresh cut roses
Cut from the branch and brought inside
It's a slow contradiction, it's beauty in a vase
When our cords are cut that's when we start to die

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)
Lately death and life get so confusing
I can't tell the difference here tonight
Lately every breath feels like I'm kissing death
And when time is dead I cease to be alive

If you hide yourself deep inside
Deep inside
In time you've got nothing left to hide
There's nothing left inside
Tonight, honey
I'm gonna break your heart
Mine was broken from the start
Broken from the start

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)
Choice is the only thing we're given
For one to live another dies
One road says, "Hello"
The other says, "Goodbye"
And the rose/roads that you don't choose begin to die
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

If you hide yourself deep inside
Deep inside
In time you've got nothing left to hide
It dries up inside
Tonight, honey
I'm gonna break your heart
Mine was broken from the start
Broken from the start
Broken from the start
Broken from the start

They won't pay a cent to hear you laughing
They might pay a little to hear you cry
If you do it long enough
They might even pay attention
But they still won't pay respect until you die Die

If you hide yourself deep inside
Deep inside
In time you've got nothing left to hide
It's all dead inside
Tonight, honey
I'm gonna break your heart
Mine was broken from the start
Broken from the start  

"I hid myself." I whispered to her, not even looking at her. "I hid myself so well that even I forgot who I was. And then, at some point, at some time, there was nothing left. I wasn't hiding anything. It was all dead. I was empty. And when your empty, life feels a lot like death, and death begins to look a lot like life,"   I took a deep breath. "And I broke people's hearts. But mine has been broken for a long, long time. And they mended it, but at the same time, they broke it further,"  

I finally look up, only to feel shock run through me. Sakura was crying. Tears dripping down her face. "Do you really believe that?" Sakura sobs. "That no one will pay you respect until you die?"  

I'm at a loss for words. "Yes, it's how I felt," I answer.  

"Felt, felt. At least it's past tense," She cries. "I don't know why I'm crying so hard," She whimpers.   The tears begin to stream down my face as well and she hugs me, comforting. "I think I'm so sad because there's truth to your words," She admits.  

I cry into her, and her into me. She suddenly stiffens. "What's this?" Her hand is on my wrist. "Keira, what is this?" She asks lowly.

I shake my head and cry harder. "They won't pay respect until you die," I choke out. I can tell she understands what I did. She just sits there, hugging me as I cry. I think she may have been in shock. I wonder what she thinks of me, knowing that I tried to kill myself.

"It'll be okay, Keira," She whispers, rubbing my back as her own teas drip on my hair. "We aren't here to judge you,"

"Gaara broke up with me," I wail quietly, not caring that I was totally changing the subject. We were never officially together and he broke up with me. How does that work?  

We comfort one another late into the night. We laugh and cry, sob from both laughter and sadness. She tries to comfort me over Gaara, but it pains me to think about him, even though I don't want him to have that control over me.

   "Do you have a picture of him?" Sakura suddenly asked. I nod, pulling it out hesitantly. It had been sitting, gathering dust on a desk in the corner of the house, so I had taken it. I unfold it staring. It was from when he had become Kazekage.  

"Here," I whisper.  

"Let's burn it," Sakura murmured to me.

I hesitate. "Why?"

"It's a kinda cliche way to deal with the heartache," She admitted.  

I stare at the picture, feeling the familiar pang in my heart. "Okay, let's do it," I agree. We stand, and she lights a candle. I walk over, holding the corner of the paper to the fire, watching to take light, eat his face away.

He turned to smoke, burning my eyes as the smoke spiraled into my eyes. I let the picture go at the last second, watching the fire burn away the last scrap of the photo. Strangely, I did feel lighter now. Like he no longer had power over me. 

  But in a corner of my heart, I could feel it. The little whisper that I tried to suppress. The little stab of pain that I ignore. The little jump my heart made as his picture burned away.  

They all were saying the same thing, no matter how stupid it was.  

A part of me, no matter how small, no matter how much I wished it didn't, still loved him.

  ___________________________________  

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gaara119