All The Strings Attached // spm // slow updates

[22] Guilty

I was listening to the song above while writing this chapter. I cried while writing this. Good luck guys. Okay. Bye
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I had been crying for an hour straight and as I was absorbing all my thoughts, I wanted to cry even more, but I couldn't. I was too drained mentally and physically.

It all seemed surreal. I was sitting in a dimly lit hospital waiting room at 3 in the afternoon waiting to see if Shawn would be okay. The hospital has already contacted his family to come to the hospital.

This was all my fault. I thought hat I should get away from Shawn. I've caused him and his family so much hurt just by this and the incident the other day. I don't know what I'd tell them if they saw him in this condition.

Thinking about everyone around me's reactions when they see Shawn's condition made me want to run away from it all. I know it's selfish but I don't want to hurt Shawn anymore. He has one hell of a life to live. And I'm not letting myself get in the way of his success. I thought that if I left, everyone would just be safer.

Not even thirty minutes after letting myself wander in my thoughts, I finally decided that what I planned was the best thing to do. That way, I couldn't damage anybody any further.

I walked to the front desk of the hospital to ask for some paper and a pen. I wasn't just going to leave without explanation.

I wrote letters for everyone I've hurt in this situation, including my dad and aunt to apologize for disappearing and also for all the trouble I've caused along the way. I was going to leave these letters on my bed so hopefully Maddie would see it if she came into my room looking for me.

I took the bus home to begin packing all my necessities, which I decided I'd only bring the essentials and I could always just go shopping for more of the things I needed.

Just as I got out of the house, I saw Manny and Karen outside their home, practically racing to get into their car. Aaliyah was there as well, sitting in the back seat while crying her eyes out.

My heart shattered to pieces even more and I began to walk away as soon as I could, considering the weight on my shoulders from my bags.

All of a sudden I heard Karen holler "Hailee, are you on your way to the hospital too?"

Causing me to snap my head in their direction, faced with expectant faces from all three of them. I couldn't bring my self to lie to them. I could just catch a train during the middle of the night to go somewhere; anywhere.

The drive to the hospital seemed to go by a lot faster than the first time. Soon, we were all piled inside the creepy hospital elevator headed to Shawn's room.

We headed straight to his floor, and the nurses let Shawn's family go inside, but stopped me when I tried to follow.

"Sorry miss, only immediate family is allowed in there." She said in a monotone voice.

" oh. Okay. I'll just be in the waiting room." I spoke softly; slightly embarrassed.

I was about to turn back to the direction of the waiting room until Manny spoke up. I was pretty shocked since he hasn't spoken since I saw him first today.

"It's okay, miss. She's with us. She's his girlfriend. Shawn would want her in there with us." He explained.

I stiffened at the word "girlfriend" since we weren't official yet, but I just went along with it cause I desperately wanted to see Shawn.

"Alright, sir. Go ahead. " she said, opening the hospital door with the controller she had.

"I'm scared, Hailee." I heard Aaliyah say from behind me.

"I am too, Aaliyah. It's okay. Shawn will be okay." I tried to reassure her, though I felt like a liar since I did not even fully believe myself.

We kept walking until we reached room 263: Shawn's room. I felt my stomach churn just imagining what could be behind the closed doors. I could already hear the steady beeping of the machine in the room and that alone made me anxious.

Karen twisted the doorknob and we all walked into the room silently. All of us seeming to be holding our breaths. I nearly burst into tears the second I saw Shawn's appearance. His lips that were always curved up in a smile were now bruised and bleeding all over. His perfect jaw and face had all sorts of cuts. His hand was wrapped like a mummy.

The doctor was in there with him as well, checking in on his vitals. He turned and shook all of our hands and he explained Shawn's condition to us. "By the cuts and bruises on his face, we could all tell Shawn was hurt pretty badly. The person who did this to him probably had rings on or some sort of cuff on their hands, because whatever it was caused his skull to be affected by the impact. Because of that, we're watching him closely, to be sure he doesn't have any internal bleeding. For now, he is unconscious. Again, most likely because of the impact. He should be awake in a few minutes since he's been unconscious for more than two hours now. "

The doctor excused himself right after speaking to us. Then all of a sudden, I felt Aaliyah's hand reach for mine and I took it. I needed to be strong for her. She was full on sobbing now, and so was Karen. After a few beats of silence, Aaliyah let go of my hand.

She had to wipe the unending tears rolling down her face. Manny was attempting to stifle his crying, but I could still hear soft sobs coming from his direction once in a while. It completely shattered my heart seeing all of this in front of me. I felt guilty. I felt responsible for letting this happen. I should've been there for Shawn. I could have stopped Harry. But I wasn't there.

I felt like I was intruding on a family moment, and I silently walked out of the room and opted to stay in the hallway instead to give the family some privacy. As I sat there, a part of me thought that this would be a perfect time to run off. And a part of me wanted to be responsible for letting this happen, and staying no matter what drama or hurt there could be in the road ahead. I decided to go against the latter.

As I sat there for about twenty minutes, I finally decided that if I left, Shawn and everyone else here could have a brand new start and I'd have a brand new start myself.

Just as I stood up, there was commotion going on inside. I got curious, and before I even thought about going to knock on the door, Aaliyah yanked it open, with new formed tears in her eyes.

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Pls. Don't hate me.