Anonymous Confessions Part 2

Confession

I told my best friends that I'm asexual and aromatic when I was like eleven. I did this because I was young, easily embarrassed, and didn't want to bother with the 'who do you like' and 'would you bang them' kinda teasing. And yes, eleven year olds ask the later. Its been several years now and they all still believe me. I told them not to tell anyone I don't want to know, which is a hellova lot of people, and they understood! The truth is, I'm 99.9% sure I'm pansexual panromantic, ironically enough. I'm planning on coming out to them really soon. I know they'll understand and accept and blah blah blah, but its hard to explain why I never came out to them and lied. I have low self esteem despite my confidence and smile I put in front of everyone, so I guess the best way to explain is that I feel like if anyone likes me, they could do so much better. So I told them I was ace because I wanted to believe it myself. It felt easier to believe that I chose to be alone then to live with the fact no one will need me. I find people and I sometimes look at them and think "One day, someone will love you" and kinda envy them. It took me awhile to accept myself, making me skim on the edge of depression. I'm still there with my low self esteem, but its defiantly gotten better. It'll take more time to come out to my parents and other friends, but I'll do it soon enough. So thanks for reading all of this. I hope if anyone is having a similar issue, you and I will both survive. :)