Anonymous Confessions Part 2

Confession

When I was 11, i was very depressed. I had a verbally abusive step father and I went through a lot of bullying and I went to self harm and became very suicidal. 

I had one friend who I told all of these things and he tried as much as he could to make me feel better, but we were 11 and 12 and he just couldn't. I would get mad at him because he couldn't help me and I just treated him like crap whenever he did something that, in my 11 year old opinion, was out of line.

Now, I'm better but I will never forgive myself for being so awful to that friend. He often tries to talk to me and tries to be my friend again, but I won't let him in fear that I might do the same thing to him again. I want to apologize and tell him it's not his fault, but I feel like that would result in us being friends again and I would just do the same thing.