The Controversial Thoughts Of A Curious Soul

Death

My Freshman year of High School, I took a creative writing class. One of the first things that we learned is the 4 most common written things. Love, War, Religion, and Death. Each of the four topics can be linked in almost every piece of writing. Novels, poems, and articles. Every time we wrote something in the class, we had to tally what category it fell under, if any. All but one of my tallys fell under death.

Death is something I think about a lot. Not about suicide, just about what death really is. No one really knows. No one has ever died, been dead, and then come back to life to tell us what death really is. Many pieces of art try to interpret what death could look like, but no one knows. That scares me. Life scares me just as much as death does.

It scares me that I can't remember the first movie I saw in the theaters.
It scares me that I don't know my first memory. It scares me that there's a long period of my life that I don't remember living because our brain doesn't process memories until a certain age. It scares me that memories in general fade with time. It scares me the psychologists have proved that memories change.

Every.
Single.
Time.
You think about them.

It scares me that one day, I won't remember writing this down.
It scares me that one day in another lifetime, I could be reading this and thinking, wow she's amazing I wish I was her. It scares me that in another life time, I could read this and think, she's insane I pity her.

It scares me that things we say and write, we eventually won't remember. However, those things we say and write can be so impacting to someone else life.  They could think about that one thing everyday and you don't even remember.

It scares me that there might not be such thing as another lifetime, just as much as it scares me that there might be such thing as another lifetime. Because, if there is such thing as another lifetime, you don't remember your past lifetimes.

I like to think that our imagination is really our past lifetimes coming up to the surface. That's why I like writing so much, because I feel like I learn more about myself. The people I love, the people I hate. The people I once loved, the people I once hated. Because, who really knows about anything in this world.

Scientists like to tell us that when you die, you're just dead. Your body decomposes, and you just get put 6 feet underground. The church likes to tell you that when you die, your soul exits your body, and either goes to Heaven or Hell. I don't know what to believe. So I just sit and ponder over which one sounds the best, but there isn't one that sounds better.

Going to Heaven or Hell to me sound like your just going on a vacation for the rest of your life. Heaven is a super cool 5 star hotel with free room service, a spa, a pool, and every good thing imaginable. While Hell is a sketchy motel in a bad neighborhood that is the most disgusting place you can ever imagine.

It scares me that because of all this, I don't know who I really am.