Mixtape | Malum

XLIV

Michael didn't want to admit it, but he had a fucking panic attack. He was expecting the date to go well, to leave with the taste of mint and cheddar cheese on his lips, because that's kind of what Calum tasted like. Or maybe he was hoping that the brunette would give him his jacket because it got cold when he dropped him off and told him to keep it. It'd smell like him too. Like pineapples and cologne. Exactly like Calum. But no, he got the complete opposite.

Boyfriend? It wasn't exactly the most mainstream thing to happen in the world, but Michael had anxiety. It's what he hid from everyone else, and he especially didn't want anybody to find out about it, which is why he ran out of the restaurant and didn't bother looking back.

He didn't realize that Calum spent the entire night searching for him with his headlights on and his car radio off, because he was that stressed out over everything that happened. But Michael wasn't sure if he really cared that he fucked up in a way. He just wanted to stop embarrassing himself, and having a panic attack where everyone could see you was practically dangerous in Michaels opinion.

He also had seventy nine text messages from the brunette and twelve incoming calls. But he continued to ignore them as he stared into the mirror and wondered where he went wrong with himself. Wondered why his demons were eating him up more than usual. Perhaps Calum could make that pain go away, but he wasn't sure about anything.

Calum ; Michael..please talk to me.

Calum ; You don't have to go out with me..or be mine..I just want to make sure you're okay.

Calum ; Can I come over?

Michael laughed before running his fingers through his hair. What the hell was he supposed to do?

Michael ; No, it's Sunday.

Michael decided that it'd be best to forget about Calum for a while, just by listening to Calum singing to him. It wasn't the brightest idea, since he wasn't forgetting about him at all, which was kind of the point. He never wanted to forget about somebody who meant so damn much to him. Has he admitted that to himself, already? Who knows.

Soundtrack 2, Song 6;

"You know that amazing feeling when you're finally away from a place that you don't want to be, and you're somewhere safe, somewhere comfortable and you feel like after suffocating for an entire day, you can finally breathe? Yeah..well that's how it feels to be in your arms. Have you seen the way you cuddle? You make me so happy, Mikey. But I haven't shown it enough, and it made you sad. Really sad. Which is what this next song is about.

You know something I don't
It's not like you to be cold
Every night replayed over and over
You say things that I don't
You make me feel alone
Every night replayed over and over

You say it's no concern
And everything's alright
Sometimes we all get burnt
And then we try to hide
And I know, and I know, and I know
And I know we're wrong
We should have let things slide

And when the night gets dark
And there's no way back
I'll call your name
But it's fading, we're fading."

Maybe Michael was crying and said he wasn't, or maybe he was lying because damn, he really was sad. Again. He had the opportunity of spending time with his boyfriend, but he had tidal waves coming out of his eyes and running down his cheeks and chin instead. It wasn't fucking fair. And it was also Sunday, and Michael was really sad on Sunday's. He hated continuing on with the week, because there was nothing to look forward to. And it's when his mind was fucked the most.