As I sat on the night bus, watching the dark world go by, Daphne's words filled my mind once more. I'd been thinking about that encounter a lot lately, wishing that I'd had the opportunity to do things differently before I left. But that was just going to be something else that I would have to tackle at a later date.
I could have done it while I was still there, but I'd much rather go back and face her when I was stronger, when I finally had something to be proud of.
'All about you'
'Go to hell, Lara'
I hated what she'd said to me, but there was no denying that she was right, and I really didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to change so badly, and now I felt a bit more like I had the tools to be able to do so. I wouldn't make the same mistakes as before; I would do things differently this time. I was going to take this second—or third, wherever I was by this point—chance, grab it with both hands, and make it exactly what it should have been all along.
Whatever that was.
It didn't matter, I wasn't focusing too much on what I was going to do exactly, I was just going to make things better. That was my goal for the time being, and that was enough.
I wasn't going to end up like my dad, no matter what.
And that thought kept me feeling positive, despite knowing that I'd done wrong by my family, all the way home.
As I finally stepped back into my house—my shitty little apartment—I realised that I finally had the opportunity to make a really decent life-affecting change for myself. My apartment was paid off for the time being, I had no job holding me back, now was the time to pull it all together.
Now was the time to figure out what my damn dream was! The issue that I'd been struggling with for ages.
Of all the jobs I had to do to help me achieve my goal of a more positive life, that was the one I struggled with the most. I just had absolutely no idea what the future held for me, and what I was supposed to do about it. I just didn't have any dreams, and I wasn't sure how to figure them out.
Because of that, I decided to tackle some of the other tasks I had to first, just to clear my mind. Then I could come back to it with absolutely no distractions.
I glanced at my watch, realising that it was a respectable time, before ringing Kimberly. She was my one ally, the one person I could trust to help me, and I needed to speak to her, to thank her, to apologise for being such a crappy person. I also needed to tell her that she'd been right all along, and that I really should have listened to her sooner.
"Hello?" She answered, sounding groggier than I'd expected.
"Kimberly? Sorry, are you asleep?"
"Hold on." She whispered, before tiptoeing into another room. "Sorry, I'm at Nick's. Are you okay?"
"You're at Nicks?" I couldn't help but squeal like a silly school girl. Despite the deep pang of jealousy that sprung up into my stomach, I felt happy for her too. I was excited that she'd gotten all that wanted, she really did deserve it and Nick was perfect for her. "How's that going?"
"It's been good."
As she spoke about her developing relationship with Nick, I realised yet again how selfish I'd been. I'd depended so much on Kimberly, without ever asking about her, without even keeping tabs on her life. I'd known how much she liked Nick, and I hadn't helped her with that even once.
I'd been a shitty friend.
I refused to be that way anymore.
Instead of getting swamped in what I'd done wrong, I focused on what I would do to make it better, which was something of a revelation for me. It was a massive change from where my head was at not so long ago at any rate.
"That's such amazing news, I'm so happy for you." I gushed. Her and Nick were ideal for one another. I was glad that they could finally see that!
"So, erm..." There was a shift in her tone as she started to sound uncomfortable. "How did your visit home go?"
"Actually, pretty good." I smiled to myself. "I mean there were definitely some ups and downs, but overall I'm in a much better place."
I heard my friend let out a deep breath of relief. "Good I'm glad, so you're...?"
"I much better, just onwards and upwards now." We laughed for a few moments before I continued. "So, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and thank you, and..."
"Honestly Lara, don't worry!" She hissed at me. "That's what friends do."
She really was my friend, the best I'd ever had.
But I couldn't get emotional about that. I had stuff I needed to do.
"So, shall I come over later?" Kimberly asked.
"Honestly, that's up to you." I replied. "I'd love to see you, but if you're too busy with Nick then I totally understand. You can come and see me in the week sometime if not, I'm really okay." And I meant it. I really was. "I have a lot to work on anyway."
"If you're sure..." I could tell that she felt bad, but I really didn't want her to.
"Just have fun will you!" I insisted. "Come and see me whenever you can."
As we hung up the phone, I sat down to make a list of absolutely everything. There was no holding back anymore, this was it. This was my real second chance, and I was going to grab it with both hands. Yes, I had a lot to do, and it certainly wasn't going to be an easy road ahead of me, but that would make it worth it.
Now that I'd made the choice to live, I needed to really do it.
YOU ARE READING
Living on Borrowed TimeChickLit
This isn't your ordinary love story... Lara Rogers isn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to die over a year ago from a long-term illness, yet somehow she managed to make a miracle recovery. The only problem is now she has an endless future str...