Living on Borrowed Time

Chapter Fourteen

Yep, it was official. I was drunk. All of my vows to behave on this date, to make a better impression than the shitty one I made last time had flown out of the window a long time ago. I was drunk, and acting kinda stupid, and I was slowly getting the impression that I was pissing Charlie off.

"What's wrong?" I finally slurred in his direction, wishing I could make myself sound less like a dick. I wasn't sure how many glasses of wine I'd had by that point, but I was certain that I'd passed the stage of one-too-many a fair while back.

"I don't..." He started, before giving me a look that I couldn't quite decipher. "I don't know."

"It it coz I've drank too much?" I could hear the weird deeper tone to my voice, the one that suggested I wasn't quite myself. I didn't like this one bit—the last time I'd been drunk it was fun, this felt more like a chore. Yet somehow, I was too far gone and I couldn't quite find the way to stop myself. "I'm sorry; I never normally touch booze, so..." I completely lost my trail of thought, so I blinked a few times trying to get it back, probably making myself look like even more of an idiot.

"No, no." He smiled weakly at me. "You're kind of sweet when you're drunk." He touched my arm gently, sending a fission of excitement racing through my body. I shifted myself closer to him, wishing that I was in an appropriate place to press myself up against him and kiss him once more—with all of this alcohol in my system, my desire for Charlie ran uncontrollably free. "It's just...every time I ask you something about yourself, you completely avoid the question." I rapidly pulled away, as a heat filled my cheeks as his words. He was right, of course he was, but I didn't know how to get out of that funk. Especially not after what happened with Amy. I was so afraid of letting everything, and for him to just reject me, "Is it because you think I'm just after you for one thing?"

Oh my God. He was still upset about my idiotic comment about him being accustomed to one night stands. How the hell was I going to get out of that one without making myself sound even worse?

"No, no. It's not you. Not at all. It's just..." I sucked in a deep breath of air, but that just resulted in making my head spin more. "It's me." I heard myself admitting, but almost as soon as I'd started I felt my insides coil with stress, and my mouth zipped itself firmly shut once more.

"Please, tell me what it is." He pleaded. "Something is bothering you. There's something that you're holding back." He gripped my hands tightly. "You can trust me, you know."

Trust.

I wanted to trust him so damn badly, but with trust came vulnerability and I'd spent so long holding myself in that I didn't know how to do that. I hadn't even fully let Kimberly in, not really. Sure, she knew some, but I hadn't completely let go around her. I was still keeping the true Lara—whoever the hell that was—firmly hidden away from the world.

"I don't..." I shook my head, pulling away from him. I felt like I was about to cry, and I didn't want him to see that. This was all happening far too quickly for my liking. This was supposed to be the fun-loving, exciting first date. Why was he insisting on trying to get in to all of this heavy stuff? Why couldn't he just leave it alone? Couldn't he sense that I really didn't need any of it?

"Lara," he moved back away from me too, creating what felt like a massive distance between us. "If you're going to hold back from me like this, then there's no point in us hanging out...or whatever it is we're doing. We just can't..."

"What do you mean?" I jumped in, starting to feel really angry. This was mental; he was being completely and utterly unreasonable. "Why are you so interested in all of this stupid deep stuff? Why can't we just have fun?" My tone was bitchy and annoyed, but to be honest that was exactly how I felt.