Brian's POV
Amanda and I were still arguing. It was getting so fucking exhausting but I should've seen this coming.
"Okay, so let me ask you something," she turned to me, resting against a brick wall, "what's your whole deal?"
"Excuse me?"
"Your deal. Why you called me a slut, why you told me to go-"
"Dammit Amanda, I told you! I didn't mean any of it, I called you a slut because I wasn't gonna stand there and let you talk shit about me with all of my friends and other people watching. I stupidly told you to go to hell because I was hurt."
"Over what? Don't tell me that Mr. strong, resilient and bovver boy Brian was hurt!" she spoke with a strong sarcastic manner.
"Well, I may come off as all of those things, but I'm still a person."
"Oh, and I'm not?"
I ran my fingers through my hair. I couldn't take this anymore.
I turned to Amanda and stared into her ice blue orbs over my shoulder.
"What?" she shrugged.
I sighed and walked closer to her, looking down at her face.
"What hurt you the most?"
"What?"
"What hurt you the most from what I did?"
It seemed to be that she never really thought about that before. Like the question hit her hard and she had to think hard and quick.
She nibbled on her bottom lip and I watched as her eyes formed tears at the rims.
"It wasn't one specific of your doings,"she said, "it was how you left me feeling. Not just about you but mostly myself."
I stood silently in front of her, looking at the side of her face and listened.
"I went home from school everyday feeling like there was something wrong with me because you painted the canvas that there was. I had so many people laugh at me because of you, people I haven't even seen before," she said as there was a pause, "I was always left wondering what I did to you, if it was some kind of revenge of yours...but I was most certain I didn't do anything."
"And you didn't." I calmly added.
She looked up at me with glossy eyes and a pained expression.
"Then why did you do and say everything to me?" she whispered.
This was a question that hit me hard now. I never thought of why I said and did the specifics. I still can't believe some of them and I'm still left in wonder what the hell my problem was in high school. Like that day in class with the note...what in the living fuck was that? I knew why I liked to mess with her though.
"Even when we met after six years you still were fucking with my head!" she cried.
There was a silent moment before I spoke.
"Will you let me treat you the way I should've treated you before?"
She froze and looked up at me, a tear sliding down her face.
"I'm done being who you portray me as, Amanda..." I said, gently wiping away the tear with my thumb, "I'm done with the fighting and I'm done with the thick tension."
She gulped and looked away from my eyes and to the city lights.
"I don't know what to say..." she whispered.
"I didn't want to say this because I didn't want to sound mushy and all of that crap," I rolled my eyes, "but as far as the specific things I've said and done go, I can't explain them. But the reason for it? I guess it's because it gave me the chance to talk to you and be around you."
She slowly looked up at me, slight fear in her eyes.
"I'm sorry...for everything. I promise you that I will make it all up to you, Amanda." I raised my eyebrows, guilt and sadness now consuming me.
Amanda remained silent.
"Say something." I said, grabbing her attention.
"I can't tell the difference between you being real and you joking around anymore."
"But I'm not joking, Amanda!" I placed my hands on the sides of her arms, "please understand that!" I whisper-yelled.
"Look," I bowed my head then looked deep into her eyes, "I'm not here to fuck around with you anymore, okay? If you need time to think this over then so be it...but just know that I'm willing to show you how I want to make it all up to you and know that I'm more than willing to be the guy to make you feel like you matter to someone, because you do. You matter to me." I said as I let go of her and took a few steps back.
Amanda stared at me with her big glossy orbs. She was truly beautiful. More beautiful than I ever viewed her as...
I saw more glass-like tears sliding down her face. I walked over and like before, gently wiped them with my thumb. I then cautiously pulled her close to me with both arms around her.
"I'm sorry for everything, Amanda." I whispered.
It was then I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and hot tears soaking through my shirt.
