Hopeless

Hilling College

I woke up feeling like a dead zombie. My bed sheets all tangled up with me like a Chinese puzzle, my hair as static as wired cotton and have the biggest stretch to try and wake myself up. First thing that i hear is the ringing of my alarm clock, 7:30 in the morning too early for a 17 year old if you ask me. Whenever I open my eyes I always see the same thing...my bedroom. I know people see the bedroom as “your own private space” but to me it felt like a prison, the only person I would let in that room was me. I wake up every morning and look up at my white as paper ceiling thinking of what my day hold might today. Will I miss the bus to college? Will I finally get a job soon? When and will I find someone I can say is mine? Many things go through my head considering I would have only of been awake for roughly five minuets. I can never stay in bed for more than ten minuets I get too bored and idle. So I drag my dead zombie body off the bed and start getting ready for an early day at college. I was studying a dance degree and had a massive ambition of going to dance school. I never was an academic girl, I was more artistic.

 So I sort out my long wired hair and brushed out all the mess that looked like I had too much fun at a party the night before and tied it up in pony tail but I curled the tail to add some cuteness to it. Then I decided on what clothes to wear, normally for dance class I just wear my leggings and a nice fitted skinny shirt, not very classy but no clothes would look nice with sweat on it after dancing for over two hours.

 So hair is done, im all dressed and now just had to get out of my prison of a room and wounder how long it will take until I come back in here that night to go back to sleep. I grab my sports bag and my keys and start walking down stairs, from this point I always feel happier because it’s further away from my room. I don’t know why but I just felt as if a part of me is missing from that room, not sure what it was but it defiantly was something. I walk out of the house and lock the door behind me and start walking to my normal bus stop to catch my 8:29 am bus. Typical in England of course because no bus comes on time so I had to wait an extra ten minuets, when waiting for that long it does feel like an hour. But then again I just remembered myself at least I wasn’t suffocating myself in my room and felt much more comfortable to wait another hour for a bus if need be.

 Finally arriving at hilling college at about 9ish, I walked through the office and main reception which has a themed colour of pale blue which is painted on their walls with posters on the left side of the wall, keeping you updated with what’s going on with training days, trips and bank holidays. Typical for my course because we never got any. So I walked past reception and turned left through a corridor to be it lead to an underground staircase which they had their own professional dance studio. That was always my favourite bit of the hilling college, felt more of a home then my actually home if I’m honest.

 So I go to step down the first step and then my sports bag strap decided to break, as this happened I tripped over my sports bag and fell on the first few steps on the staircase. I felt so humiliated. I just closed my eyes and hoped that meant that no one could see what happened either. But thankfully no one really took notice so I got up on my feet when I heard footsteps from behind me. I turned around when I heard a voice saying “ are you alright?”.

 I quickly stand up back from the staircase and turn around and see a girl just a bit taller than myself (which is not that hard to beat if I’m honest.) She had medium length hair that was about shoulder length and was dead straight, her clothes were much more unique and fashionable than mine wearing a red/brown chequered buttoned shirt with pale blue skinny jeans and wore labelled trainers which most people would die for, she was carrying one of those plastic art cases and went to put it down to help me up. I brush myself off wishing that I made a better impression, (no one likes a clumsy dancer) and I reply with one word... “Yup”.

 “Yup” Really?! Great now I look clumsy and sound like a shy little lost puppy. This isn’t a good start to a supposed to be good morning. But then I realise that I haven’t seen her around this side of college before but I don’t turn around and walk straight to the studio. I hear her giggle and walk to the right going towards the arts building. So now I made myself look like a complete idiot to a stranger, as I was opening the studio door I just thought in my head “ is anything else going to happen today?” with that I walked in the studio and put my bag on my normal side of the bench which is on the left corner of the room. I had to take my shoes off and as my tutor was speaking of course I caused some distraction to the rest of the students but the teacher just carried on. The floor was made out of this special dark plastic which makes it easier to fall and bounce on, not very comfortable to sit on mind. The mirrors on the opposite side of the rooms glistened as the reflection from the sunrise sunk through the windows and hit the mirrors.

 I sat with the rest of the dance group while my tutor Sophie started talking about our new contemporary project for our final year piece. She loved giving us a challenge and I just couldn’t believe my eyes and ears once I heard what she said.

 “I want you all independently to find an instrumental piece of your choice completely and use that to help produce a stimulus for your contemporary piece however this piece is solo and the chosen three soloist will be performed in front of roughly 250 people in our local theatre”

 A solo project, I thought I would never was going to pass this. After Sophie said that everything became a blur and all I could hear was her mumbling. Many things were going through my head at that specific time: am I ready to perform on my own yet? What stimulus could I ever relate to? With that said class was dismissed and got told to go to the library and go on the computers to research into songs. I hate things being solo; it’s just empty and feeling of being alone. I really want to be in one of those top three soloists but on stage in front of hundreds of people... I just believed I couldn’t do it.

 I grabbed my already broken sports bag and was just about to head up the stairs when Sophie said “hope, can you stay behind for a few minuets please?”

 I Thought it might have been do to with me being late so I turned around and started to walk up to Sophie, she isn’t a teacher that if they called for you, you wouldn’t start cringing or panicking when walking to them afraid you’ve don’t something wrong. She is a very passionate teaching but has a lovely heart, she can have her tough, bitch moments but that was just to remind us of the real world out there.

 “are you alright? you seem a bit shaken up about something”

 “no, no im fine, just a bit nervous about this solo project I guess” I replied back.

 “I know what its like to have your first solo piece it is scary but if you want to get to dance school, you have to jump over this hurdle” she knew that dance school was my goal, nothing would have ever of stopped me. She then carried on

 “I know that you can get into that top three and get that place at the theatre, just take a lot of time to research, trust me... you’ll be on to something soon enough.”

 I just nodded and smiled; she smiled back and tapped my shoulder as if to say cheer up. I then started to walk up the stairs to get back to the office area to which there should be some spare computers. As I was walking up the stairs at that specific time I didn’t understand what she meant by “you’ll be on the something soon enough” how would she know when I would finally find something to base a dance on if nothing happens to me around here anyways? So I just carried on up the stairs shaking my head confused and reluctant.