The Diary Of A Closet Bisexual

Crushes

Gosh, I haven't written in this thing in a while. And I actually miss it a lot. It's nice to get all your thoughts out, you feel relieved.

I've been really busy lately, and I like it. I hate not having anything to do. Weirdly enough, I like to come home and fall asleep. But at the same time, I kind of hate it, because then I can't really do things such as write in this diary.

Anyways, I'm seriously about to pass out, but I wanted to write in this before I did.

So, life has been going pretty decently. Things have been swining my way, but at the same time it doesn't seem like I can have a 100% amazing day.

Like, for example, I find myself constantly fighting with my parents every day. And I'll agree, I need to work on controlling my anger, but I think they need to stop being so fucking annoying. So yeah, I usually get into some type of argument with my Dad when he drops me off at school, and then again with my mom when she picks me up.

But, on the upside, school itself is going pretty nicely.

For one thing, the guy that I think is cute, we've been talking a lot more lately :) And the nice thing is that he starts the convo, which has to mean that he has some desire to talk to me. A few days ago, I was day dreaming in class, and I thought about what it would be like if we were a couple. I REALLY like the idea, to bad what you picture in your head never happens -____-

For another thing, the girl that I think is cute, well we've been talking more too! We had to do some group work in class, and she ended up becomming my partner. She's really cool, and I found out things about her that actually surprised me- in a good way that is. I also noticed that she has the most beautiful brown eyes<3 I could stare into them all day haha. What I love most is when she smiled at me, or when I make her laugh. Yeah, that really gets my heart going.

Speaking of my heart, the craziest thing happened! So, I was walking in the hallway, and out of NO WHERE the girl comes walking by. My heart seriously SKIPPED A BEAT when I saw her. The feeling was really intense...but I loved it. Now I know exactly what that phrase means haha.

But it makes me wonder if I crush too hard on people. Should someone I don't even know that well make me feel like that? Why is it that a simple smile from a cute girl or guy can make my insides go crazy? Yeah, I fall way too hard, way too fast. But I doubt that's going to change any time soon, what can I say, I'm a lover lol. And unfortunately, I usually get screwed -___-

This girl also makes me REALLY nervous. Like, I've gotten better, and now I feel more relaxed around her. But in the beginning, oh my gosh. My nerves were so bad, I kind of wished we weren't partners haha. It's just, you don't want to say anything stupid. You want to come off as chill and laid back, and you want the person to want to get to know you and talk to you. But, I usually end up saying a ton of dumb things. I have a tendency to babble, but I'm working on it!

Anyways, I guess in a sense I do like the nerves, and that rush you get. But at the same time, I don't. Ahh, shit's complicated, but when is it not?

Well, that's the end of this rant. My parents are being super fucking annoying yet again -___- I'm pretty sure I left out a ton of stuff that I'll remember tomorrow, but hey, all that means is another chapter :D