The Diary Of A Closet Bisexual

Family Isn't Always Lovey

Everything was going fine.

Until my mom called me a worthless peace of shit.

And my dad called me an ungrateful bitch.

I've grown tough over the years, and I'm at a point where I can handle verbal abuse.

But from my parents? the people who are suppose to fucking love me.

That shit kills.

Like a knife to the stomach.

Or worse- to the heart.

I cried really hard, you have no clue.

And now I'm not speaking- to anyone.

The funny thing is that my parents are the type of people who feel really bad after they yell at me or punish me, so they try and be really nice.

Like my mom kept asking me if I had eaten, and she kept trying to get me eat.

But I ignored her. I've gotten good with the silent treatment.

And I can tell it bothers her, which I find satisfaction in.

But that doesn't make the pain go away. Because right now, I do feel like a worthless peace of shit. And ungrateful bitch.

Am I a spoiled brat who gets upset for no reason at all, or do my emotions have justification?

I don't fucking know. I get it, there are people who go through a lot worse than I. But there are people who go through nothing compared to me as well. So where the fuck do I stand? I'll probably never know.

It's bad enough that feelings are so complex, but even worse when you have no one to talk to them about.

I honestly have never felt so alone in my life. Like I don't really feel like I can open up to people.

For one, I guess you can say I'm the one people come to for advice, but when I need to talk about my shit, doesn't seem like many people are around.

Two, I don't even think I trust anyone enough to open up too much. Which is really weird, because I always thought of myself as an open book, not someone with trust issues.

Fuck my life, fuck society, and fuck the fucking world.

I'm building a rocket ship and moving to the moon.