Love Hangover [Complete]

Part Fourteen - We Can Never Be Together!

When we arrived at the restaurant, I allowed Max and Tom to walk over to the other boys while I walked down the alley at the side where I had agreed to let Nathan explain himself to me.

I'm sure there wasn't much more he could say to me, especially after he had made everything clear to me before we even boarded the plane - he had a girlfriend and I was just some desperate bitch who wanted to steal that from some poor girl.

Nevertheless, I decided to give him a chance to see if he could change my mind about him; and if there was any chance of me even wanting to forgive him and be friends with him again.

"Jess?" I heard Nathan say, causing me to turn around and be met with his green eyes; but they weren't filled with anything other than sadness and guilt, making me feel even worse than I already did about telling him that I hated him.

"Erm, hi." I replied awkwardly.

"I didn't think you were going to come." he chuckled nervously.

"I tried talking myself out of coming, but something made me want to come and actually listen to what you've got to say." I sighed as I looked down at the ground, wanting to avoid all eye contact with him now.

"What did you tell Max and Tom then?"

"I just told them that I was going for a walk to get some air before we sat down for dinner. You?"

"Told them I needed to make a phone call, but I'm sure they'll connect the dots when neither of us are there."

"Yeah. I guess they will." I sighed, looking at the ground while fiddling with my fingers at the same time; I wasn't sure if that's because I was nervous, or just because I was finding this whole situation rather awkward and I wanted it to be over before it had even begun. "Look, what did you want to tell me."

"Before I tell you, you need to understand how sorry I am. Not just for lying to you and making you feel worthless, but also for not thinking about your feelings in this situation. I will never be able to forgive myself for-"

"I get it Nathan. You're sorry. But you've got your girlfriend and there isn't anything you can do about that. I was just a pawn in your game."

"No Jess, you were never a pawn. Sure, to start with I thought I'd be able to get anything from you that I wanted and there would be no questions asked. Then, I actually started to develop feelings for you and I fell for you Jess. I had to go and fall in love with you. Clever Nathan." he replied, arguing his point and trying to make me see that he did actually want more from than sex and it wasn't as simple as I had convinced myself it was going to be.

"Love isn't just a word you can throw about whenever you fell like it Nathan. I've never been loved and, to find out that you actually had a girlfriend, broke me more than I showed because I thought you were going to be the one. You were going to be the one who kept me safe; who was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry one; who told me that they loved me all the time. I thought you actually wanted to be with me Nathan, and it hurts knowing you lied to me." I snapped as I managed to hold the tears back and just about prevent them from falling; I then felt Nathan's cold hand under my chin as he forced me to look at him and see the hurt in his eyes.

"I do want to be with you Jess. It's just, it's complicated."

"Then tell me. Make me understand because, right now, I'm still nothing other than more lies from you Nathan."

"Look, this girl that I'm in a relationship with, I don't actually love her. I was forced to be in a relationship with her by management after they found out my feelings for you; they told me there was no way I could ever date someone as reckless and dangerous as you. They found me this girl and made us both agree to act like we were dating in public, I was left with no other choice." Nathan replied and I could see that he was actually telling the truth.

See, when Nathan was lying, the left side of his mouth would always twitch in a strange manner; but he had no idea that he had picked up on his doing that and he would always continue lying to me.

However, on this occasion, he was telling the truth and he was actually doing as he was told to do.

"So I'm reckless and dangerous now? That will sound even better next to everything else I've been called." I replied sarcastically, still looking Nathan directly in the eye.

"I like reckless and dangerous though. I feel like it makes the relationship a whole lot more interesting." Nathan smirked suddenly, his entire attitude changing in that split second.

"Why me though?" I questioned him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, of all the girls you could pick, why would you want some girl with a messed-up head who just sleeps with any guy she can get her hands on because she loves any form of attention she actually gets?" I replied.

"The simple answer. I don't know Jess. I really, honestly don't know. There's just something about you that keeps drawing me and makes me want you more than any girl I've ever slept with. I just want to be with you."

"I want to be with you Nathan, but clearly there's no way that could ever happen; it would only cause trouble for the both of us." I sighed as I went to walk away from him and into the restaurant, only to find myself being pulled back into the alley by Nathan and a look of shock on his face; like he had just told me that he loved me and I had rejected him.

Well, I had rejected him after he had told me that he wanted to be with me, but we would never be able to make it work - not if management sees me as reckless and dangerous, that only means they think I would ruin the image Nathan has developed and there was no way that could ever happen.

"I don't care about management Jess. I want to be with you, and I don't want them to stop that from happening." Nathan says in frustration.

"The others are going to be waiting for us."

"You can't avoid what I've just told you for the rest of the night. I know how you feel and, you know I feel the same, so it's only a matter of time." Nathan stated smugly as he released me and allowed me to walk away from him.

"I'll avoid it for as long as I can. I need time to think about this." I said, walking away from Nathan and into the restaurant; leaving Nathan in the alley feeling smug with himself.

Sure I felt the same way he did, and I really did want to be with him; but there was always the chance he was just going to throw me to the side like a piece of rubbish when he got tired with me and wanted someone new in his life.

He was Nathan Sykes.

An international pop star who was loved by millions of girls all over the world.

He had everything, and more, that a guy his age could possibly want.

I was Jessica Smith.

A no one that wasn't loved by anyone because of her dark past that she refused to talk about with anyone.

She had nothing and had never felt more alone that she did right now.

We were the complete opposite of each other, and there was no way it could ever work out between the two of us; we were too different to be compatible with each other.

No matter what we wanted, or how much he begged for me to be with him, it was never going to happen and he needed to accept that this wasn't just some joke to me - I couldn't be with him, and I couldn't be the person that he thought I was.