The Prince and His Servant

Chapter 45

[A/N] fINALLY

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I ate my meal in silence. Though it didn't surprise me; the only people I would have made an effort to talk to were holed up in a meeting. What for, I didn't know. Armin told me it was important stuff pertaining to the prince. I'd asked him if I could be involved, considering he was my direct authority, but he simply said I wasn't to be any part of it. But I already knew why, and it was because I abandoned the prince.

And yet something in me believed wholeheartedly that he was keeping something from me. Unfortunately, there was no twisted logic that would make it right for me to be in that room, taking part of the discussion that was taking place.

Picking up the last bit of bread I had on my plate, I went to put it to my lips, but was interrupted by the sound of the door to the dining hall being opened. A turn of my head confirmed the identity of the person causing it was Isabel. She looked like she had something on her mind, and, judging by the distinct way she looked at me, it was something she wasn't sure I wanted to know. I thought to myself, 'What kind of news would cause an expression like that to curse her ever-happy face?' I wanted to know.

"You've the look of one who bears bad news. Have a seat, and do tell what is on your mind."

She gave me a strange look, like I didn't sound like myself. I couldn't help but question if I really did sound like another man. Nevertheless, she accepted my offer, albeit hesitantly. I ate the small piece of bread I still held in my hands as she did so, and when she was finally situated, she gave me another look. This time, I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Sir Ackerman... it's-"

I felt bad about cutting her sentence short, especially at a time like this, but I felt the urge to inform her that there was no need for formalities.

"Please, call me Levi. It's not as if we're strangers to each other."

Another look. What was it that was on her mind? Could the news she bore really have been so bad that everything that was said and done coaxed these many expressions onto her face? In all honesty, it began to worry me.

"Alright... Levi... it's about princ-"

She caught and corrected herself.

"...It's about Eren. I... I have something important I need to tell you..."

My eyes widened slightly, and I jumped to conclusions. Everything about the whole situation seemed to make sense. I knew it was because something was wrong with Eren, I was certain. I thought to myself about the possibilities frantically. He could have been attacked, he could have woken and remained a beast, he could have been in a killing mood, he could have been lost to his demonic DNA... or, in the absolute worst case scenario, he... he could have been...

I refused to think about it.

I almost sent Isabel away, so that I could panic in privacy, but she looked right through me and saw my concern. Almost immediately, she panicked as well, but in trying to make sure I didn't.

"W-Wait, no, that's not what I meant! That came o-out wrong, I-I'm sorry! He's not in danger or anything, I promise! Nothing bad happened to him!"

Her words managed to quell my fear. She, once again, picked up on that, and breathed a sigh of relief. However, she still looked quite troubled. If Eren wasn't in danger, if he wasn't hurt, than how could there be any bad news about him? She started speaking to answer that silent question.

"But... listen, Levi... I..."

She took a deep breath, trying desperately to compose herself. Paying more attention made me realize that she was trembling ever so slightly. She was afraid, I could tell. But what I didn't know was why.

"You remember when he captured me, right? Back when we thought the prince and the... the killer... were two different people...? I told you I escaped, and that I never saw the prince, because he was supposedly held back further in the cave, and that I wasn't allowed to see him?'

I slowly nodded, recalling the dark times. Saying I felt like a fool looking back on the whole thing was a deep understatement. I'd gotten enraged over the whole ordeal, killing myself over with worry about the prince, seeking oh-so-desperately for him to try and save him... all when he was right in front of my face the whole time. I knew that once I found the beast, I'd find Eren, but I'd never expected it to be in such a way.

"Well... Um... I actually... I actually didn't escape. He set me free."

At first, I was a little confused, but I remembered how Eren was; always kind to others. He likely took pity on her, in the fact that she was caught up in our problem, so he tried to let her go. Why was that such a big deal? I silently asked her such, sending her a questioning look. She sighed softly and continued to tell me what happened.

"He... He told me. He told me that he was the prince. He told me that he was letting me go, and said that I could do anything I needed to keep it a secret. I knew... I knew the truth... I knew, Levi... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry I didn't tell you... I couldn't..."

My ears didn't register anything past that. She still spoke, but I didn't hear a word she was saying. I couldn't believe what I'd already heard. She knew about this all along, and she didn't tell me? She kept this huge secret from me for so long? She acted as if she was as worried as I was, acted as if we still had to worry about the prince, acted like his life was in mortal danger, and it was all lies? How could she do this to me? Of all people, of all times, of all secrets to keep?

I was beyond angry. I was furious with her. Had she been a man, or someone as strong as I am, or even just a staff member, I would have knocked her upside the head. But I knew it was wrong. Even if it wasn't, I'd be suffering for it later if she told her brother what had happened. Instead, I simply stood up, took my empty plate back to the kitchen, and left the dining hall.

There was nothing left to say. I felt betrayed. No, I was betrayed, by someone I trusted almost as much as the prince. And yet the place I went was none other than the infirmary, the room that housed the man who started the chain of lies and deceit.

Slowly, I walked inside, and it was as if a spell on me had been broken. I started crying, crying like I never had before. Some would even call it sobbing. It was ungraceful, to say the least. But I didn't care. I stumbled over to Eren's bedside, my vision blurry with tears. I fell to my knees, my forehead near his torso. I let out muffled sobs into the bed; I couldn't compose myself, even if I tried. Even if I wanted to.

"Why...? Why did you do this, Eren...? Why couldn't you just tell me from the start it was you? Why did you make me suffer without you for so long? Why did you do this to me? I don't understand...!"

I couldn't stop the words coming out of my mouth. They tumbled from my lips like a river runs it's course.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I left! I'm sorry I abandoned you...! I'm sorry I hurt you..."

Realization crushed my words.

"This is all my fault, I know it... I didn't know what to do, okay? I didn't want to just stand there... I didn't want to act like I was unaffected... I'll never forget the look on your face... I hurt you... All because I didn't want to overreact... To react at all... I couldn't give myself away like that... I didn't want to ruin our friendship because of my feelings for you... God, I wish I could tell you... I wish I could tell you how I feel... I wish I could just tell you that I love you... that I always have, since you rescued me from the hell I was in... Eren... Damn it..."

I was unable to tell whether or not I was soaking the blanket my face was buried in, but I was certain I had nevertheless. I let out a sigh that made me shudder all over. There was no use in saying anything now, not when the one I wanted to hear it wouldn't. But before I could stand to leave the room, I felt something, and it glued me to the spot. 

Someone was running their hand through my hair.