The Music In Me (boyxboy)

17

*Picture of Noah*

***

I'd chosen the dates for my album photoshoot, my music video, and an interview for the Cabello Show. Suddenly, my entire month was packed, but I still found time to spend on social media.

I was sitting in the kitchen while my mother cooked for our large family. Usually, I'd be helping her but I was making videos, per my manager's request.

I beamed into my camera with a dazzling smile. "Hi, guys! I wanted to thank everyone who's streaming and buying my new single, Plastic Roses. It means the world to me. I've been so nervous about this song, but I hope you're all enjoying it. Click the link below to listen to it if you haven't. Thank you, thank you! Stay safe. I love you guys."

I ended the video and watched it back to overanalyze every unnecessary detail. Luckily, it seemed sufficient enough. I added a link to my song and posted the video to my Instagram story.

Momma walked around the counter to where I was sitting at the island bar. She brushed a hand through my hair and kissed the side of my head. "You okay, mijo? You seem so sad these days."

I knew my fake smiles couldn't fool her. "Estoy bien, mamá."

"I hope so. And if not, then dinner will cheer you up. Go get your siblings."

I climbed down from the stool and made my way up the grand staircase. I went to the girls' room first, knocking on their door. Ria and Rosalina were the only ones who had to share a room, so they were allowed to occupy a large one.

The only rooms bigger than it were mine and the master suite. My room had its own bathroom, and a generously spacious walk-in closet. Ryan and Ricky had a jack-and-jill layout.

"Dinner's ready, hermanitas," I announced, opening my sisters' door.

They rejoiced, both racing out the room and down the stairs. I called my littlest brother, Roman, next. He adorably went to grab Ricky and dragged him down as well.

By the time I got to Ryan's room, I realized he wasn't alone. Wyatt was inside. I didn't even know he'd come over.

The door was slightly ajar, probably an inch wide. I was about to knock, but the tone of their voices drew my attention.

"You were flirting with him," Wyatt accused Ryan, sounding hurt. "And I mean, I get it. The guy is good looking, but—"

"I wasn't flirting with anyone. He was a guest on my Youtube channel. I was only tryna stroke his ego."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

I peeked through the opening to see Ryan's eyebrows draw together in confusion. "Why does this set you off? It was your idea to keep your distance knowing how much it kills me."

"I-I know. I'm just... not ready."

"For what? To come out? To tell Riley? To... to give this a shot?"

My eyebrows rose in surprise.

Wyatt hesitated, then tentatively replied, "All of the above."

Ryan's frustration was palpable as he expelled a disbelieving laugh. "It's been two years. Two years I've waited for you. For us. I-I can't... I'm at a loss, Wyatt. You know where I stand. You know I'm right here, yet you're too afraid to meet me halfway. Then the moment it looks like someone else is interested in me, you get jealous and possessive." He pursed his fingers, emphasizing his point.

Wow. It seemed I wasn't the only one with feelings to hide.

I couldn't see Wyatt that easily from this angle, but I knew him well, and his silence was evidence he was either crying or about to.

Ryan continued in a softer tone, "It's not as if you have bigoted parents. Your mom and dad are open and accepting. They love you. And I keep saying, Riley won't care if we're together. He'd be happy for us– that's if he doesn't suspect it already. Besides, it's not like we need anyone's permission to fall in love. Right? Right! So if there's something keeping us apart, tell me what it is so I can bulldoze it out of our way. Because... you're throwing away my love, and I'm worth more than that. You are worth more than that."

I felt guilty for hearing such a heartfelt confession—and it was strange to hear it coming from Ryan—but I couldn't look away.

"Don't cry, love." Ryan reached over, and I inferred that he was wiping away Wyatt's tears.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be." My brother tried to soothe him. I'd never heard him speak so tenderly. "It's okay. I'm patient. I can wait for you."

"You shouldn't have to."

"It's like I said. You're worth it to me."

I pulled away from the door, deciding I'd just text them to come eat. I already felt like a creep; I couldn't barge in and interrupt their moment.

I was a little envious though. I felt like I'd been cheated out of something so beautiful. I wanted what they had. I wanted to be in love.

I wanted Nathan.

***

"Let's dim lights two and three," the photoshoot director called out.

I looked at my mother from across the room and she gave me an encouraging nod. I sighed, knowing she was telling me to hang in there. She knew how much I hated the spotlight.

"Okay, Riley, last ten shots. Should we try opening his blazer?" the photographer inquired. "I think with the lighting, it'll cast the perfect shadows."

"That could do. Let's try that," the director obliged.

I lifted my eyebrows as the stylist approached me and unbuttoned my blazer to expose my upper body.

"Is that really necessary?" my mother asked, stepping closer in disapproval.

"It's art, Mrs. Vazquez," the director responded from behind the computers, holding up a hand. "Please step back."

Momma reluctantly did as he requested, but she didn't back down. "¡Jesucristo! He's fifteen. He'll be sexualized all over social media."

"Ma. It's fine. We only have ten shots left; it's okay." I said as my stylist ran a fine toothed comb through my slick hair to hide the flyaways. When she was done, I proceeded to complete my last several poses.

"Alright; that's a wrap everybody! Good job, Riley. You did great."

Yay me.

My mother was the first to come to my side, helping me off the stool. She buttoned up my blazer and tousled my hair.

"Mamá, I'm fine."

"The things they make you do." She scowled as she straightened my clothing. "Okay. Let's go look at the pictures."

"I wanna go home. I can just tell them to send it to me to look over them. I'll pick the best few for them to edit then I'll review it."

"Okay. But next time, we choose the photographer. This was ridiculous."

I sighed. "That's show-biz."

She cupped my cheeks proudly and her eyes shined with happiness. "Your very first album cover. This will be special, mijo. Te amo."

"I love you, too."