The Music In Me (boyxboy)

16

Pic of Wyatt
Song: Plastic Roses by Jessica Sanchez

***

I hadn't seen nor heard from Nathan since that fateful night of our middle school's talent show.

Since our first kiss.

It was like he'd disappeared. I had to finish off the semester before moving to L.A. with my family. Nathan never came back, leaving everyone to wonder what happened to him.

I, for one, should've felt relieved to be rid of my bully once and for all. I should've rejoiced in his absence.

And I did. For a day, I thought nothing of it. He'd be back tomorrow. And I carried on. A day turned into a week, and I was over the moon. He wasn't around to confuse me or taunt me or torture me. Then, a week turned into a month until I realized I'd never see him again. I found myself dreaming of our innocent little kiss and yearning for another. When a month turned into four whole years, I ached.

As good as Noah was to me, he wasn't Nathan. He couldn't compare. No one could.

I wished I could tell my brothers about my feelings. Maybe Ricky would understand, but Ryan would shame me. He'd call me insane, and he'd be right.

I was crazy for passing up a good guy–someone who had never hurt me– for a guy who only ever caused me pain. Besides, it wasn't as if he was easy to track down. Years had gone by. We were both older. Any feelings Nathan might've had for me probably faded by now.

I buried my face in my pillow and groaned.

Where was he? Why did he drop off the face of the earth without a trace? Why was this so complicated? I couldn't even find him on social media. My name, however, was verified on every platform, so I wasn't hard to find at all. Maybe he just didn't want to contact me.

***

"Prophase actor Noah Trevino was spotted entering a restaurant last night with powerhouse vocalist, Riley Vazquez..."

I was sitting on the back patio of the house watching HollyKrave News, a celebrity gossip channel, on my iPad. Across from me, Ryan was editing videos on his computer.

"Sources shared that the pair enjoyed a private dinner together and left the building hand in hand."

A seven-second clip popped up on the screen. It was me and Noah from our date last night.

"Now, you guys, it's been close to a year since they were first seen together but there still hasn't been any official confirmation to the dating rumors..."

I rolled my eyes with a sigh, clicking on a related video about me. It was from five months ago, but I still watched it. Then, I went to a video about my new single, eager to know how it was received by the public.

I scrolled through the comments, trying not to let the negative ones offend me.

Riley's song is trash. A gifted voice wasted on a mediocre record about some guy that definitely isn't Noah. What a shame.

I felt my shoulders sag in disappointment. Trash? Mediocre?

How many others felt the same way?

"You're doing it again."

I looked up to see my brother staring at me. "Hmm? Doing what?"

"Falling down the YouTube rabbit hole. That stuff rots your brain."

I scoffed. "Says the YouTuber. You use social media more than I do."

"Yeah, because it's my job. I get sponsors and brand deals. But I don't internalize the negative feedback. I try not to internalize the positive ones either."