Jaspar one-shots (Completed/Discontinued)

I hate myself (Pt. 1)

3thd person pov
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Caspar pulled his legs to his chests and buried his head in his knees. Feeling the salty tears flow down his red cheeks and onto the cold surface of the bathroom. His head was spinning and his stomach was growling for food but he couldn't do it. He tries to eat but when he sees food, all he can see is an item that's going to make him look like blob. It's important for him to stay fit and his body well in shape because of YouTube. One small flaw and everyone will call you out on it. He's happy no one knows about his problem yet even though his past snapchats and tweets is about him at the gym. Every time he sweats or runs, he will not stop until he either passes out or close to doing so.

With depression, living has been a struggle. Waking up in his own apartment with the curtains closed, having no effort to let the light in. Letting his head fall back into his pillow and burst into tears but there's only one person who's keeping him alive. Joe. Joe doesn't know about his problem with his self image or the depression he has to go through. Caspar hides it with a smile and eating large amounts of food then going into the bathroom to exercise everything out. Somehow the smiles Joe have him made him feel happy at times. When he couldn't sleep well in his cold bed, he would FaceTime Joe until he was able to sleep. Most of the times he would wake up to Joe sleeping on his phone. Hearing his light snores and he would mumble at times. He wouldn't end the call but listen to his best friend sleeping peacefully.

Sometimes the thought of them as only friends hurt him. Usually people would be glad but the position he was in is down thing called unrequited love. He knew Joe didn't see him the way he does. Caspar would look at him like Joe was his universe but Joe would look at him like he was only another star in a galaxy filled with others.

"I'm so stupid," He cried to himself, letting in a shaky breath. "I can't do this anymore."
(A/n that was Jasparcastle's part, here's mine)

"i can't do this anymore" Caspar told himself looking at the sharp shinning metal blade laying on the sink. He also has cut himself in the past; he started doing it because he was bullied in school for being gay. He never understood why, but causing himself external pain would make him less sad. He always focussed on the fysic pain instead of the physical just to feel a tad bit better.

Sure, he still feels bad, but it's been that way for the past 7 years. And if it wasn't for him being best friends with Joe, he had probably killed himself a long time ago. "I am a fucking wreck, I'm such a fuck up" He cries while taking the blade from the sink whilst holding onto it tightly, a little bit too tight because he cut his index finger and thumb on his right hand. He held back a cry and made a cut on his arm.

-1. for being fat.
-2. for being ugly.
-3. for having a crush on Joe.
-4. for being a useless fuck up.
and 5. for cutting myself.

After he made the last cut he just couldn't take it anymore. He bolted out of the bathroom, into the living room. He didn't grab anything. Not a coat, no money, and neither his most important belonging, his phone with the Jaspar case on it. The case has Joe on it, which makes it special of course. He ran out of the front door, he ran to the street. Crying heavily, barely breathing. He almost faints because he hasn't ate in 3 days. He ran and ran and ran and ran.

Once he got to the first bridge he saw, he climbed on the edge; heavily crying out of breath, still having a thick crimson liquid running out of his left arm, stinging very hard. "Well, can't change my destiny u guess" he cried out "I love you, Joe" he whispered looking at the matching tattoo he got when they were best friends for 1 year."I really do, hope i'll see you soon, goodbye cruell world" He jumped. First nothing, then a honk, and tires screeching. A loud thud and then black. "OMG, SIR, ARE YOU ALRI---."

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OOOHHH CLIFFHANGER BAHAHA