DEAR JIMIN.

1.5

One of the only reasons why Yoongi valued the nighttime so much was due to the fact that after endless long days, he was finally allowed a few hours of definite peace, even if he deprived himself of sleep an awful lot for someone who loved it so much. Normally, he'd struggle to stay awake throughout tiring mornings and afternoons that were the complete opposite of ephemeral, sleep pooling at his eyelids until he would collapse onto his bed and pass out the moment his head hit the pillow.

With that being said, it didn't help that Seokjin's words from the day before were quite literally haunting him in his dreams. Waking up at three in the morning, mind freshly engraved with an illusion about your boyfriend finding out about your dumb crush on your best friend, a married man, and having to live with it when all you could see was the look of disappointment stitched across Hoseok's face was absolutely terrible. It couldn't even be considered a dream at that point; it was an actual nightmare, similar to the night terrors he'd go through as a child, where he'd find himself screaming into the silence of the house every time he woke up.

He loved Hoseok, he really did. But he also loved Jimin for the most utterly stupid reasons, and he didn't know what to do about it. Because Jimin had an adorable eye smile and the softest personality, because he was stupidly in love with the stars and Hyerin and everything that wasn't Yoongi. Jimin was wonderful, an internationally acknowledged ideal type, with beauty that was more than skin deep. He was so inexplicably perfect, and maybe that was why Yoongi fell for him in the first place; because Jimin was everything that he was not, because there was nothing he could possibly hate about Jimin.

It had been a while since he had looked through that notebook, not since the day before Jimin's wedding, actually, which is why he felt so guilty resorting to it again. What he was looking for, he didn't know. Obviously not a conclusion, judging by his stubborn unwillingness to get over Jimin, especially not when the notebook was filled to the brim with so very many memories that he held far too closely to his heart, cherishing every word dripping with nostalgia beyond his own comprehension; and how could he bear to let go of that?

Yoongi had never been an especially emotional person, not completely stoic but never an easy crier; it said a lot that he didn't shed a single tear during the wedding, but that night, holding the book in between shaky fingers, he cried for what seemed like the first time in a while. Droplets of water soaking pages, blurring out black ink into uneven smudges, letters lost but meanings remaining. Years and years of pent up frustration and emotions, all compressed into one thin, yellowing journal, so why did he hold it so close to his heart?

That night, he fell asleep holding the book to his chest.

-

"You're kidding, right?"

"Unfortunately not." The look of confusion on Yoongi's face had yet to melt into a reassuring understanding, and to Hoseok, it was nothing short of worrying. "I signed with a company. I like art and all, but the truth of it is, I want to dance."

Yoongi had seen Hoseok dance before, and to be quite frank, he was amazing. Movements fluid, every sway of his hips and every flick of his wrist, it was no surprise that some person would stumble upon him and immediately want to scout him, so why was Yoongi completely unable to process this?

"So... you're leaving?"

"Yeah."

"To Seoul."

"Yeah."

"Where I'll hardly be able to see you.

"If I'm being honest... I want you to come. With me. To Seoul. There's nothing I'd want more than for you to be there beside me." There was a glimmer of hope sparkling in Hoseok's eyes, causing an unconscious smile to pull at the ends of Yoongi's lips. He wanted to be with Hoseok, too. "But I know... you have a lot of memories here. And with this whole thing with Jimin and Hyerin, I don't know if you'd even consider leaving, because every part of this city must be riddled with all this nostalgia and... you grew up here. I'd understand completely if you didn't want to leave."

"Of course, that leaves open the option of a long distance relationship, which you don't believe in," he continued, voice almost trailing off, "and I don't know if it sounds selfish or clingy or even just annoyingly cheesy, but I don't want to lose you. I don't know. It's a bit soon, I know, but I really, really like you, and I don't want to end this."

"You're serious about this," Yoongi's voice was soft, laced with understanding but still holding underlying tones of sadness, "you're serious about becoming an idol."

"Unfortunately, yeah." Eyes glimmering with guilt and thinly masked sadness, as if he already knew the outcome, as if he already knew Yoongi was going to refuse and continue holding onto Jimin; Hoseok looked so pitiful, but at the same time, pitying, and Yoongi didn't enjoy it at all.

"No, not unfortunately," he shook his head, gaze still downwards, "I'm glad you've finally found something you're passionate about, you know? But Seoul is far away."

"I know."

And suddenly, he remembered Seokjin's words, his disappointed gaze. About letting go, about moving on, about Hoseok and Jimin and everything in between. He couldn't stay holding onto a relationship that wasn't going anywhere; he couldn't constantly pretend that everything would eventually magically flip around and change and he'd get his happy ending with Jimin. Yoongi was very much capable of having a happy ending; it just wasn't going to be with Jimin, and that was okay.

He didn't exactly have a clear train of thought when he spoke again, didn't know exactly what he was going to say or what the outcome was going to be, but he had a clear intention, and that was all that mattered.

"I'll go."