Candy Girl

all the kids are depressed

all the kids are depressed - Jeremy Zucker
"Falling apart like it's nothing."

Chapter Eleven
Carrisa

I'm on the front seat, the VIP seat for mom's spectacular scolding. I feel my heart racing as she closes the door of the car and sits down. I'm frighten of her and her reaction. There's a part of me that wishes she could stay in the station instead of going home. If she's angry at the smallest things, I don't know how she'll react to this. She starts the car. No one says a word. Her jaw is clenched, and her signature frown is ever so present. It feels even scarier when she's silent. I have found that when she's not explosive, she says the cruelest things.

"I do so much for you." Mom's voice feels like a needles on my skin. "Too much."

"And this...this is not worth it. It's not worth my effort. You're so ungrateful. You're consuming me...I just wish...I wish I could just leave you and go. Get a life of my own." And then, she starts crying. Which breaks my heart into a million pieces. When we get home, she's the first to leave the car and goes straight to her room. It's 4:00 a.m. she has to wake up in about two hours to go to work.

"I know what you're thinking," Serenity says. She stands in the middle of the driveway, arm crossed. Her eyes just like mine have gone watery. There's so much hurt in Serenity's eyes. I want to reach out for her, but, there's so much pride in her eyes. I'm scared to make a move. "And guess what? For all I care, if she hates us so much, she can leave, just like dad. So hate me all you want."

"Serenity–" I try to speak up, but my voice is too weak. I want to tell her she's got it all wrong, but I be lying. Our existence feels like a burden. We are the gate keepers of mom's happiness. Before I can say anything else, I feel Serenity as icy as ever pass me by. I feel like my lips have been glued together. My eyes are glued to the ground, walk towards my room. The house is dead silent, but not just any kind of silence, the hurtful; the broken family type. I still had to take a shower to take some of the paint off. Thankfully it hadn't gotten me as bad as it did to Serenity. Her hair and face were covered in it. I like how the hot water feels against my skin. I sat on the shower while the water poured at me. I tried to keep my mind from going to places I didn't want it to go. But this time, I don't think even Breakfast at Tiffany's could fix it. Sleeping seemed like the only way option.

Today, I was expecting to take the bus, but mom still drove us to school. The ride was silent. I thanked my mom for the ride. She remained silent. I looked back at Serenity, but she was already gone. I walked towards room 231, my earliest class was physics. A particular conversation struck me, it was two girls discussing over their finals. Chicken in a basket, finals were coming. If there was one way to help mom, was to behave. I needed to keep those straight A's this month.

"Risa!" Ellie calls me out. She races towards me, "Gwen told me what happened." My eyes are glued at the ground, I feel them watering. I know if I look over at Ellie, I will snap.

"I'm fine," I lie as I pulled up a smile.

"Here," Ellie says as she pulls out a bag from my favorite candies ever from her backpack. "Hopefully this sweetens your day." Her hand falls on the back of my head and she lightly caresses me. "Anyway," she changes the subject, "The bus was crowed AF. It smelled like a classroom full of smelly primary kids."

"Oh, no."

"Yes," she insists. "I think I would rather walk the three hours it takes me to get to school."

Mr. Flores arrives at exactly 8 o'clock. He opens the classroom and we follow. Mr. Flores's grey hair gave off clear signs he was one of the oldest teacher's in school. Even thought, he was one of the strictest teacher in school, he was my favorite teacher because he was the smartest person I had ever meet. Mr. Flores placed his belongings in the desk. It was incredible how the slightest look from him, made us silent. Mr. Flores began to take attendance.

"Carrisa Gheller?"

"Here."

"Eileen Hollen?"

"Here."

"Finally," He said reaching for the end of the list; w. "Aiden Ward?" Mr Flores asked. Nobody replied, it was dead silent as we awaited for him to get on with the list. "Aiden Ward?" He asked as he finally set his eyes at the classroom. He placed his record book on the table and massaged his temples. He walked towards the door, warning us before leaving.

"If you set one foot out of this room, I will put a quiz of the WHOLE table of elements for next class. I'll be back in a second." he said as he left.

We all waited, amazingly, everyone was on their seats behaving. It took him a total of thirty minutes to head back inside the classroom. Our eyes nearly fell out our sockets when we saw whom was behind him. It was Aiden Ward.

"Okay," Mr. Flores said as he took his book in hands. "Let's proceed, take out your last exercises we did. We're going to check them now. Any volunteers?" My heart stops. Those fluffy-ing exercises. I had forgotten about them. "Okay, I'm choosing randomly. Kate Carson, come forward."

I glance at my notebook. Hopefully he won't call me for any other exercise, but this one.

"Carrisa Gheller?" He calls me out.

"Y-yes?"

"Please, help me with exercise eight."

Ah, skirt.

"Um," I begin. My voice is shaky and palms are sweating. "I couldn't find the right answer, Mr. Flores." He makes a face, which makes me want to sink down my seat. My voice is even smaller than before, "I didn't understand it, I-I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, come forward please. Show us your procedure." I take the white chalk from his hands and walk over the blackboard. I try to solve the exercise as much as I can. But inside my head is in panic. I can't even divide some numbers properly. I feel my chest tighten. "I can't do it." I tell him.

"Aiden Ward," He says me. "Please come forward and do the exercise."

All eyes are on Aiden, as he sighs and steps over the blackboard. It takes him about five minutes to do the exercise. Mr. Flores checks the answer, "Correct," he says. Aiden walks towards his seat. But before he can seat, Mr. Flores calls him out. "Miss Gheller, I want you, starting from now, to seat next to Mr. Ward. Next time you don't know how to solve a problem, he will be help you. So now, Mr. Aiden, you go can't skipping my class. You have the responsability to attend your classmate's understanding."

"N-now?" I ask. This is a bad, bad joke.

"Yes, get your stuff, and take a seat." He orders.

I glance back at Ellie, there's nothing but horror in my eyes. I pick my backpack and head next to Aiden.