Rejected

1

Just say it. Right now.

"Hey, Liv?"

Olivia glanced up at me expectantly. "What?"

I braced myself, gathered up every ounce of courage and daring I had, and gave up. "Do you have any water?"

I kicked myself as she pointed, confused, toward her fridge. Grabbing a plastic cup, I filled it with water and ice. Maybe if I just gnawed on ice all night I wouldn't have to say anything. A part of me really considered it as a serious possibility, but a deeper part of me knew I couldn't. I had to tell someone at some point, what with school starting soon and all, and Olivia was my best bet.

She was the most open-minded and accepting person I knew.

I brought the glass of water back with me into the living room, where Olivia was sprawled across the sofa. She flicked on the TV and gestured at the end of the couch, where the was still a little space left for me.

"Whatcha' wanna watch?" She murmured, scrolling through her sister's Netflix account.

Were there any good lesbian movies on Netflix? I would kill to see a nice, gay movie.

"What's a good comedy?" I asked instead, sipping my water carefully. Mrs. Trish would most definitely kill me if I spilled anything on her sofa; she already hated me, so why not actually have a reason?

Olivia sighed and started scrolling through the comedy section. "I dunno," she muttered. "Do you know of anything?"

I shook my head and sank deeper into the couch. She wasn't in a good mood tonight. There was no way I could tell her in a mood like this. Absolutely no way.

Finally she selected a random movie and wrapped herself up in a blanket with her phone. We both knew she wasn't going to actually watch the movie, and neither was I.

After the movie. I'd say it after the movie.

-•-

I watched, horrified, as the credits began slipping past on the screen. It was sometime around midnight, maybe a little after, and the movie had gone by way too fast. Olivia was nowhere near tired enough to roll over and go to sleep, so I had no excuse. This was usually the time we sat, stared at the ceiling, and had deep conversations.

Sure enough, Olivia turned off the TV and plunged us in darkness.

"Can you get the lamp?" She said after a while of silence.

I reluctantly reached for the lamp chord; it would be way easier for me to say this in the dark. That way I wouldn't have to see her reaction.

The lamp did little to fend off the night, but it managed to give the room at least a little bit of dim light. I relaxed into the sofa again, but felt nothing near relaxation. I was just about trembling from anxiety. It was a real wonder Olivia didn't notice.

Everything was quiet again; then, rather abruptly, Olivia began ranting about something one of our friends did. I couldn't exactly be sure what they did or who did it, but every once in a while I gave an absent-minded nod or a "uh huh."

I was too far in my own world, rehearsing the sentence over and over and over again. Should I make it sound casual? Just stick it in the conversation somewhere? "Oh, by the way..." Should I sound sorry? Should I seem confident? No. Never sound confident. It was a rule of mine. Confidence makes you sound like you're always right, and God knows that's not true. But I had to say it tonight; after all, it was the last night of summer. There was no other time I could say it.

"I just cannot BELIVE the nerve of her! Who was she to say I was ugly? I mean have she even seen herself lately?" Olivia paused, noticing I wasn't really paying attention. She tapped me on the shoulder. "Kate?"

And suddenly, I couldn't control myself anymore. By one mishap of the mouth, my world came crashing down.

"I'M GAY," I blurted, staring Olivia straight in the face. Well, not exactly straight, but you get the idea.

The room was blanketed in utter silence. It was so suspenseful I was convinced it would swallow me whole. My entire body was full-on trembling at this point, and my breathing started to hitch. I couldn't back down now; I couldn't say "Ha ha, fooled you! April Fool's!" Because Olivia knew when I was being dead serious, and this was that time. And for some odd reason, a small part of me was glad I'd said it.

But then a single tear slid down Olivia's cheek, and I knew exactly what her reaction would be.

And then with one, soft, barely-a-whisper command, my heart shattered: "Get out."

I didn't move. I didn't breathe. I barely even blinked. I wanted to ask why. I wanted to ask why I had to get out, like I'd never said anything. I wanted her to laugh and punch me in the shoulder and yell "Just kidding!" a little too loudly and make Mrs. Trish wake up and yell at us for being too noisy. I wanted to laugh with her. I wanted to ask what had changed, why she was crying, but I didn't. I simply sat and stared blankly at my best friend, the only one that was ever there for me. The best friend that had just turned me away.

"Get. Out." She whispered shakily, a little louder now. But I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. Even if I'd tried, I wouldn't have been able to.

And then a pillow was thrown at me. "I said get out!" She cried, letting tears fall freely down her face.

And somehow, I was able to get up off the sofa. I was able to grab my bag, unplug my charger, and fumble around with my phone enough to call my mom. I felt emotionless; like I'd never felt anything to begin with.

My mom pulled up to the front of Olivia's house, worried sick about me and why I'd called in the dead of night asking to come home. I left without a word to Olivia, knowing if I'd so much as opened my mouth I'd've cried my entire life out. I didn't speak the entire drive home, and my mom didn't try to ask what was wrong.

It was only after I'd changed out of my clothes, got into bed, and turned off my bedside lamp that I cried.

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Hey guys, I hope this first chapter wasn't too depressing! I swear the rest of the book won't be this bad — it'll be way more light-hearted! Just please leave feedback for me and it'd mean a lot if you voted. Thank you guys so much for reading!
– LovelyAssLesbian