About Me

10.13.13

10.13.13

Hey, I haven't written in such a long time. How is everyone doing? I'm okay. Today it's been three weeks since he got married. I know, I'm probably boring everyone, but I kinda have to let this out. Off of my chest, he was honestly the only man I really, truly did love. Well maybe it wasn't love, but I did care for him.

Always.

I just want to know that she'll make him happy. She'll make the last few years of his life worth it. Because if I couldn't then she should. Right?

Well moving on from my Sally sob story.

I want to fall in love.

Like the type where I fall and I can't get up. Like the love where we both huddle in one couch and watch stupid movies that make me cry. Like the one where he'll still see me pretty even if I'm sick as a dog. (Which by the way I am right now)

The one where I can wake up and have a sense of security that he won't leave me because I've gained two pounds. But does take notice of all the changes I've done. The type of love where he makes me a priority right after his mother asked him to get her medication from Walgreens. Or where his baby sister has a heartbreak and he finds that loser and kicks his ass.

The type of love where he's a gentleman and still opens the door for me after our three month anniversary. The type of love where he introduces me to his grandparents and he secretly wants that. For us.

To grow old.

Together.

I don't know, maybe that does exists in some parallel universe. Somewhere where he does really exists. And I know he does exists in my universe.

He works at our local market and he's a cashier. He's got the deep blue ocean eyes I love. He's tall over six feet, and has bleach blonde hair. I don't know if he has a girlfriend, but I don't care.

I'm letting my inhibitions loose and letting myself be open minded. I've lost so much in the last few weeks that I just don't care anymore. Honestly what have I got to lose?

My virginity?

Probably.

My integrity?

Yes.

My dignity?

No.

This time, it's a game of all or nothing. He's given me that spark once more, the spark of life. The one where even if I can't see myself I know my eyes sparkle when I see him. He takes my breath away standing by my side when he's packing my groceries. Or even when he hands me my change, I get stiff cold when he carefully hands me the coins in the palm of my hand.

Those are unforgettable moments. Maybe I'm just a silly girl who wants a fairy tale romance. But aren't all girls entitled to one?

I just really know what if feels like to have somebody love you other than your friends relatives or even that annoying fifteen year old that doesn't seem to get a clue. (If you read this I'm sorry, you're to young for me.) I just really want to love somebody.

~~~~~

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