Freaks//L.B

Mess ups 3

I woke up without Luke by my side
I sighed and
I felt im not good enough
I felt empty like always
I want to talk to someone and it can't be Luke

We're suckers for love and I'm mostly
He's too smart for me to love and yes I'm lame for loving him to easily but him is what I love
He gives me love like one else does
I just need him
I got up and got my razors
And locked the bathroom and slowly and firmly pressed the razor onto my
Wrist
I'm not doing this for attention I'm just doing to get the pain away
I felt a tear coming as it pained me
I think that was enough I thought I didn't want Luke to notice
And I washed the fresh cut

"I'm crazy" I muttered and repeatedly kept saying
I just regretted what I did
I left the bathroom seeing him looking upset
"Luke" I gasped
"You were cutting were you" he said gritting his teeth
"N-no I wasn't I swear" I felt tears streaming down one by one
He came up to me and grabbed my left wrist and saw my fresh cut
"Then what fuck your called this" he screamed
I sobbed into my hands
"IM SORRY " I yelled as I uncontrollable wiped my tears
"YOUR PATHETIC, IM LEAVING" he yells in disgust
I sobbed even harder and ran up to him hugging him harder in the torso cause by the height difference
"don't leave me Luke, p-please, don't go I need you, I love you" I whispered as tears came down, stained his shirt
"You don't listen" he told me still angry as he pushed me and way and took out his clothes from the closet
And I felt my tears streaming Down
I was silently crying
"Please don't go, please please please don't go Luke" I said weeping
He ignored
I remember a song Luke sang to be always when I'm down
It was 'Fall' by Justin Bieber Luke always liked my singing

I took a deep breath while Luke was packing up
"Let me tell you a story about a girl and boy, he fell inlove with his best friend when she's around he feels nothing but joy but she's already broken-"
I start to sing softly I didn't know what he's facial expression was cause I was shutting my eyes closed scared
It went silent I opened my eyes and saw him...gone
All his clothes missing,
His car key gone
I felt stupid
Why did I do that, I hate myself
*

          *

                     *

I woke up in sweats
I around my
Surrounding, realizing I'm in my room, the sun was almost rising , birding already singing, hearing nothing but peace and silence, it looked like it was 5 or 4
I starting huffing so I could catch my breath , I felt the sweat formed on my forehead
I look to my side to see Luke sleeping peacefully, I felt instant relieve when I saw him next to me,
I cuddle next to him
And gave him a kiss,
Everytime I close my eyes I see Luke and his beautiful feature, he has a big effect on me
I'm crazy and my
Thoughts aren't helping

Your a whore

Your pretty ugly, haha

Oh my gosh just please kill youself

You don't deserve him

Your too ugly

Cut yourself

My ugly thoughts kept creeping up on me,
I felt tears
I got up and ran to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of liquor anything to shut my thoughts up
I gulp down desperate for the effect and them to stop

They won't leave me alone, its like there words do have something against they're true, the more uglier thoughts have gotten the more liquor I've gulped
I felt
I felt the last drop of liquor I  felt dazed
I felt hopeless nothing can help
But I have no choice
I ran to the bathroom and took out my razor and press firm onto my
Skin and felt the relief

Cut it deeper

Which I did and I felt more joy
My thoughts have silenced
I felt like I won a temporally battle with myself
I washed my fresh cuts and calmed

I open the door to see Luke
And soon a smirk appeared on his face, his eyes weren't the chocolate hazels I fell inlove with, they're jet black
He looked terrifying,
I looked down to see my fresh cuts growing into bigger and bigger cuts, dark red liquid gushing out of them and dripping on to the wooden floor, I was confused as I realized I didn't felt pain
But soon did which I screamed in Agony

I looked up to see Luke smirking and walked off to our room but he walked through the closed door as if he's some ghost
I was confused I felt the sticky sweats, I felt no pain the pain just stopped
I looked down to see my normal cuts, they weren't bleeding, they weren't giant like before as if I imagined it

Looked at the wooden floor to see the blood but I saw nothing

"What?" I mumbled In Confusion
I walked to me and luke's room saw him fast asleep
The same position as I felt the room

I'm insane as I realized

I smelt pancakes, and humming from the kitchen

I felt my heart dropped to my stomach, there's only me and Luke here

I walked to the kitchen and all of a sudden I see..
Me? And Luke,
It was daylight now. My imaginary me was cooking pancakes and Luke hugging me, we looked different, very different, we looked happy?, and actually looked like a normal couple

"Good morning Luke " imaginary me smiled to Luke
"Morning  beautiful" Luke smiled

I'm confused, I rubbed my eyes to see if I just seeing things
I tried saying Luke's name, but he didn't hear me

"I think we're gonna have the best day ever" Luke said smiling
"Really? Why?" I asked, cooking my pancakes

"cause we're going ring shopping" Luke said nervously

I dropped my spatula and turn to Luke and screamed "are you serious?" My imaginary self screamed happily
He nodded laughing
"We getting married" he said

I smiled and they both turn to me all of a sudden
They looked unhappy, they're  eyes were black

"THIS IS WHAT SHOULD OF HAPPENED" my imaginary self said
The house was shaking by the yell

Myself walked up to me
"Look at you, you thought your actually worth it? Kill yourself no one wants you, not even Luke" my imaginary self said

I felt hot tears running down

"LEAVE ME ALONE " I yelled
As I ran to our room and saw Luke again fast asleep, outside was still dark
I felt tears coming again
I tugged my hair
Chanting the words 'leave me alone' as I sobbed sliding down against the closed door

Luke woke up "baby?" He said
I looked up to see a confused Luke
I loved when he called me baby
he makes me feel okay but that's a temporary feeling
"Y-yeah?" I asked
"Are you okay?" He asked as he turn the lamp on and walked over me
I shook my head "N-no" I sobbed as he pick me up and laid me in bed
"It's okay" he shushed me
I felt his Muscular arms around me

"Everything is gonna be okay"