Unfit to be a mother

Unfit to be a Mother: 21 ~Christmas~

Chapter 21

            Fey was wailing again. Her cries filled the empty air. I pulled away from Dylan’s warm, naked chest and moved his arm from around my waist. I appreciated the fact that he slept shirtless. It kept things interesting.

            Sliding away from his warm body was shocking to mine. I yearned for him. I lifted Fey’s fragile, little body from the bassinet and held her close to my body. Her crying quieted slightly. I found her binky and stuck it in her mouth. She started sucking on it immediately.

            “Are you hungry, angel?” I cooed to her. Her eyes were closed again. I giggled to myself. I walked out into the hall and found my way down the steps. The light of the Christmas tree glowed in the corner. Dozens of presents were fanned out under it.

            I went into the kitchen, pulled out a clean bottle and formula. I added water and put in the correct amount of formula. While it was heating up in the microwave, I held Fey tight against me. I looked at the Christmas tree and checked the time. It was four in the morning. “Merry Christmas, Fey,” I whispered to my angel.

            Her gorgeous eyes were now open and wandering. Finally, her gaze settled on me. I smiled and kissed her forehead. Her skin was so soft. She stopped sucking on her binky, realizing that she wasn’t getting anything out of it. Fey squinted her eyes and opened her mouth, letting the binky fall. Her lips formed and ‘O’ and she was about to start crying again.

            I ran my hand over her tender head and pulled the bottle out of the microwave, testing it on my arm before I began feeding her. Choosing between breast feeding and bottle feeding had been a hard decision. I wanted to stay close to Fey and I knew that it was healthier for her, but I would have less than two months before I had to return to school. I wouldn’t be able to breast feed her while in school. Neither would her baby sitter.

            Okay, so maybe it hadn’t been too hard. I still wished I could bond with Fey. I sat on the couch for a few, clutching my baby and feeding her. She sucked on it happily and drifted off before she finished. I set the bottle on the coffee table, next to the empty glass of milk and plate of cookie crumbs. Yes, I put out cookies for Santa.

            I took my angel back upstairs and put her back in her bassinet. She’d be awake soon to have her diaper changed. That was Dylan’s specialty though. He enjoyed changing them, so I let him.

            I snuggled back under the covers, spooning Dylan. “Where’d you go, babe?” He mumbled sleepily, kissing my head.

            I sighed contently and held his arm securely around my waist. “Fey was hungry,” I told him. You would think he knew the answer since we did the same thing every night. We took turns between feeding and changing diapers. One night, I’d feed her and he’d change her. The next night, we’d change it up. Sometimes, Fey just wanted to be held or rocked. We constantly fought over whose turn it was for that. At times, we tried to work as partners, but it was in our nature to fight. It was something we did because we liked to do it. If we didn’t fight, we wouldn’t get along at all.

            “Oh,” was all he said in reply. His breath was hot on my neck. He started placing small kisses along my neck. “Merry Christmas, Jenna.”

            I twisted in his arms to face him. “Merry Christmas, Dylan,” and he pulled me in for a long, hot kiss. “I love you, big daddy.”

            “Love you too, little momma.” He pressed himself closer to me. There was virtually no space left between us. My heart beat quickened and from what I could feel under my hand, his heart was pounding too.