Spencer Reid One Shots

My Immortal (Softly - Three)

Your 'dreams' were less frequent but that didn't mean you didn't feel him there still. You could sense him.

Sometimes you'd be going about your business in the house and you'd stop.

"Spencer?" You'd whisper, feeling your hair waft in a breeze that should be there.

It was comforting and unsettling both at the same time to begin with.... But now...you didn't know, now it seemed almost wrong.

You didn't want him to not be there, but the truth was, he wasn't there. Not really. It didn't make sense anymore.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
...

"Baby girl, that food was to die for, as always. Next time, I'm cooking.. Well, taking you out. Alright?"

You laughed as you escorted Morgan to the door, seeing him out. You'd been spending more and more time with him and you liked it. You'd always got on with him but since Spencer had gone, you'd seen a different side to him. The softer side that he kept hidden at work. Morgan had been your rock and you'd helped each through the past year. You honestly didn't know what you'd do without him.

"Alright, I'll let you take me out. But no Italian, okay. Rossi has fed me so much pasta recently, I'm scared I'll become a piece of penne." You'd had to actually throw away some of the delicious meals your colleague had bought over for you, claiming he'd cooked too much but knowing that he was trying to fatten you back up. You'd lost a lot of weight with everything that had happened.

"Your choice, beautiful girl, your choice."

You smiled and let Derek pull you in for hug goodbye. You enjoyed his hugs. They were different to Spencers but comforting and nice in a different kind of way. Spencer had been all long arms and lean muscle, Derek was bulky and somehow, more cuddly with it. Nothing would replace Spencers warm hugs, but Derek's came a close second.

You pulled back from his arms, reaching up and planting a kiss on Derek's cheeks, hearing an odd hitch in his breathing as he turned to look at you.

"Y/N.... " He whispered softly, his head lowering to yours and surprising you as he placed his mouth onto yours.

You kissed him back, out of shock more than anything before you pulled back and pushed him angrily away.

"Morgan! What the fuck?" You wiped the back of your mouth with your hand, trying to rid any trace of him from you.

"Oh fuck. I'm sorry, kitten... I'm so sorry. I thought... Oh god I don't know what I thought." He looked ashamed of himself, a feeling that was running through you as well.

"What the hell made you think you could do that! He was your best friend Derek!"

"I know, I know. I just... I thought... I feel something for you Y/N. I thought.. I thought maybe you felt it too."

Without thinking, the next words spilled from your mouth. "It doesn't matter what I feel for you! What about Spencer?!"

Derek looked at you sadly. "Spencers gone, Y/N. You know this. He's not coming back. But I'm AM here. I'm sorry. The timings not right, but I don't think it'll ever be right. I have feelings for you. I'm sorry, but I do."

"Just leave Morgan. Please. Go."

"Y/N.. Can we talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about! Nothing! Get that into your head. I belong to Spencer. No one else. It's not right."

"He'd want you to be happy. He'd want US to be happy, we can be that together."

The damn that was building behind your eyes burst free and you used all your mite to shove Derek outside of the door, taking him by surprise, and slamming it shut.

No no no no.

Just no.

It didn't matter what you felt for your friend, Spencers best friend, just... No.

It was wrong.

You would never move on from Spencer. He was your one and only.

You couldn't have feelings for someone else, especially Derek. It wasn't right.

You stalked into the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of vodka from the freezer and taking a long glug, screwing your face up at the taste.

Taking another sip, you felt your hair blow in a breeze that wasn't there.

"Now... You're here now. You saw that. Of course you fucking did. Well you don't have anything to worry about. You may have left me here, all alone. But alone I'll stay, until we can be together again. However far away that may be."

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

You raised the bottle to your lips once more, feeling a sudden chill run up you arm, causing you to lose your grip, the bottle smashing to the ground.

You looked around the room accusingly, knowing it was him.

"So I can't even drown my sorrows now? Is that it? Just leave me alone, for once. Just one night. I feel guilty enough as it is. Please.... "

Leaving the mess on the floor, you took yourself off up to bed, flinging Spencers pillow onto the floor. You just wanted one night of blissful blank sleep, with no dreams. And vodka would have done that.

...

Spencer felt bad. He hated how guilty he knew she felt. Yet she had no reason to.

He knew what he had to do. Which is why he'd made her drop the bottle. Alcohol would make her pass out. And he couldn't have that tonight. Not when he needed to talk to her.

He wanted her to be happy. He wanted to take her pain away, make her tears stop. He knew that they'd always have something special. She was his love. The only one he'd ever have. But she could have another, and she needed to know that.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me