Spencer Reid One Shots

Piece Of My Heart - One (Brighter)

"So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known "

You looked at your boyfriend, the man you'd loved for the past four years. The man who's embrace you used to crave so much, the one you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with.

"Spencer we need to talk about this."

He sat with his head in his hands, not looking at you. "I don't understand what there is to talk about. I love you, isn't that enough?"

It used to be. But now, it wasn't.

Spencer hadn't done anything wrong, neither had you. But you didn't seem to be doing anything right together anymore. You'd started drifting apart ever since your sister had given birth eleven months ago and you'd jokingly commented on how you wanted one.

He'd told you at the start of your relationship that he didn't think he'd ever want to have children, he was too worried about the fact that his Moms condition was hereditary, and he didn't want to risk passing it on. With his job as well, he'd seen too many families ripped apart by tragedy, kids left parentless. He didn't want that, especially coming from a broken family himself.

Initially you hadn't wanted kids either, you were content for it to just be the two of you. But as time had passed, and more and more of your friends started having children and getting married, you realised you wanted more.

And Spencer couldn't give you more. He wouldn't compromise. It didn't make him a bad person.

"And if it ends today,
Well I'll still say that you shine brighter,
Than anyone "

"I'm sorry but it's not. Not anymore. I love you Spencer, you're the world to me. But I want to get married, I want kids. I want that with you, and I can't have that with you." You were pacing the room, trying to be strong and not break down in tears.

You'd been putting off this conversation for months now, hoping one of you would change your minds. But neither of you had, and neither of you should have to. Yes, relationships were about compromise, but you didn't want him to force him to have kids if he didn't want them, and you now couldn't imagine you not having them.

Imagining yourself doing this without him, the love of your life, was hard. But you had to give yourself the chance to. You were young. It hurt like hell right now but you knew you would move on, you knew you would find someone who wanted what you did.

"Let's get married then. If that's what it takes to keep you, I'll marry you. If that's what you want." He flung his hands up in frustration.

"I want you to want it though. Not just to make me happy." You told him, your voice cracking as you watched him shove his hands into his hair.

"I'd do anything to make you happy."

"But you'll be making yourself unhappy in the process and that's wrong. You'd resent me in the end. You don't want this. You'd be doing it to keep me from leaving."

"Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there
Please not this time, no not this time"

Tears rolled down his face when you said 'leaving', him finally realising you were being serious. He stood and fell to his knees in front of you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Please don't go. Please don't leave me Y/N. Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe in a few years I'll change my mind. Maybe I'll be different. I love you." He pressed his head to your stomach, his arms gripping you tightly.

"I love you too. But I can't take that risk." You murmured to him, your heart breaking at his sobs, causing your own tears to break free.

You smoothed his hair again, feeling his tears seeping through your shirt.

"You're leaving me, you're really ending this?"He spluttered out.

"I have to. It's not right us staying together when we want different things. It's not fair on either of us."

"I don't know what I'll do without you, Y/N. You're my whole world."

"You'll move on Spencer. You're special, so special. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself here, I didn't think it would be this hard." You sniffed, your vision blurring.

"Then don't go, please don't go. Please don't leave me." He cried, his pleas almost breaking your resolve.

"I have to Spencer. I'm sorry. For both of us. You'll move on, you'll find someone who wants the same as you do."

"Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter
Than anyone does"

You disentangled his arms from your waist, having to apply force.

"Let me go Spencer. Please.... "

"If I let you go, you'll never come back. If I let you go, it's real and you're leaving me. I don't... I don't... Please."

"You can't keep me here Spencer. Please don't make this harder than it already is. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how long I've fought with myself over this. Trying to convince myself that I can live without having children of my own, that I can settle for just being the best aunt ever. But I can't. And I shouldn't have to settle, and you shouldn't have to compromise yourself either."

You pulled hard on his arms, finally freeing yourself from his grasp.

"I love you Spencer. I always will. But I have to leave." You choked out, warm salty tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard
Well it's not this hard"

"Where will you go?" He asked, still on his knees and looking down at the floor.

"My sisters for a few weeks until I figure things out."

"But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there
Please not this time, no not this time"

You walked into the bedroom, collecting the two suitcases you'd packed earlier today, before Spencer had come home from work. You'd come back to pick up the rest of your things another time.

You looked around the room,at the bed you'd slept in for the past two years since you'd made the decision to move in together. The drawers that had held your clothes, a picture of you and him at his friend JJs wedding taken eight months after you'd started going out.

Taking a breath and composing yourself, you walked back into the living room, seeing Spencer curled up on the couch, clutching a cushion and staring blankly at the wall.

Walking over to him, you bent your head to his, placing a last kiss on his forehead before walking to the front door.

Leaving your keys in the bowl next to the door, you pulled open the door open and walked through it, leaving behind the love of your life.

"I'd wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
I'll wave goodbye tonight"