Spencer Reid One Shots

Breathe (Until Tomorrow) - One

"I don't want to be with someone like that. I'm out."

You didn't even stay to hear his response, you just walked out slamming his door shut behind you.

You were halfway home before you realised you'd left your phone on the table next to his couch.

Fuck.

You deliberated with yourself for a good few minutes before deciding that yes you did need to go back and get it, because no you could not justify forking out for a new one just because you didn't really want to see him right now.

Turning around you trecked back to his apartment glad you'd actually not left his key behind. Hopefully he'd be crying in his bed room or something and you could just slip in and back out again. But given how he'd been acting towards you lately, he'd probably have another girl around already.

You opened his door as quietly as you could. Good. He wasn't in the living room. Tip toeing across the the room you grabbed your phone, seeing that his bedroom door was open.

You could see him sat on the floor beside his bed leaning against it. His eyes were closed, and his shirt sleeves rolled up which they hadn't been when you'd left.

Spotting some objects on the floor next to him, you felt your heart sink.

He wouldn't be?

He couldn't be?

He knew all about your older sister. How she'd overdosed when you were 14 and how it had torn your family apart.

But you also knew about his own past, him promising you that he was clean.

He just....He couldn't. Right?

And yet, it made sense. It explained the way he'd been acting. It explained his coldness towards you, his indifference. It explained why you'd not seen him in short sleeves for the past few weeks.

You walked closer quietly, wanting to confirm your suspicion but also terrified that you were right.

An old wash bag.

Needles.

Small glass vials.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD"

He jolted, his eyes opening looking at you then down at the objects at his side.

"YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD."

"No. No no no. I haven't Y/N. I swear. Look at my eyes. I haven't." He scrambled up off the floor coming towards you, his arms reaching out to touch you.

You stepped back. "Do not fucking touch me Spencer Reid. You're a lying piece of shit. I can see the needle pricks on your arm."

Others will have missed them but you'd seen them every day for two years when your sister had been living at home, breaking promise after promise that she'd get clean.

"They're old. I swear it."

You lunged forward, grabbing his arm and inspecting it.

"LIAR!"

You started pointing out the tiny red, almost invisible dots.

"That one's not, nor is that one. I know every inch of your body Spencer. Don't fucking lie to me. How long? When did you last do it."

You were seething. Every ounce of love you had for him was boiling into hatred right then.

He hesitated yanking his arm free."Yesterday. I wanted to tonight, after you stormed out but I couldn't."

"Yesterday? When you were on the job?" You couldn't believe he'd be stupid enough to risk his career.

He had the decency to look sheepish "We er.... We got home last night. Not today like I told you."

THWACK

You heard your palm connect with his face before you felt it.

"I'm sorry Y/N. You were never meant to find out." He was rubbing his jaw.

"When did it start?" You spat out at him.

"After the case. I just.... I just needed to feel numb. Everything that went wrong on that case went wrong because of me. I couldn't sleep, there was too much pain in my mind. It was all my fault."

"So instead of turning to your girlfriend, the person who loves you more than anything in the world, you turn to THIS?"

"I just didn't... I didn't think you'd understand. You don't know how it felt watching my partner get shot in front of me. How it felt feeling her blood rushing through my fingers as I fought to keep her alive. It was my fault. My fault she almost died. My fault those kids died."

"You're right Spencer. I don't understand. But it's my job to learn how to. It's my job to be there for you. I would've made myself understand. I would have helped you. I would have done anything for you."

"Would have?" His eyes were sad.

"Would have. Not now. Not after this. I'm going. I'll leave you to your little fix." You hissed out the word fix your eyes narrowing.

"I wasn't going to Y/N. I wanted to, I needed to. But it finally hit me, that I was pushing you away. I'm sorry. I need you so much. Please don't leave me Y/N. Please don't do this to me." He was begging now, the most emotion he'd shown you in weeks.

"I begged my sister not to leave me Spencer. I begged her to quit. I begged her not to poison herself."

"You're not pushing me away Spencer. You've pushed me away. There's a difference."

You turned, walking out and slamming his door for the second time that night.