The Butterfly Effect

3. Boundaries

Chapter 3

Thursday, April 7: Cont..

"Don't people normally have these things months before the baby comes? At least that's what Kathy did," Elliot tied an uneven bow around a gift bag, while Olivia filled them.

"Well, yeah. But it took us this long to convince her to let us throw her a shower. I just wish it didn't end up being two weeks before the baby is due," she tossed another bag in his direction.

"Girl or boy?"

"It's a surprise," she rolled her eyes, remembering how indecisive Alex had been about finding out the gender.

"That's what we did with Eli. Nerve wrecking as hell though," he smiled small. This time around had been different. When she arrived at his house barely an hour ago, it hadn't felt entirely foreign. They had settled into a comfortable rhythm, and she was grateful.

"Why don't you just fill the bags and I'll tie the ribbons?" Olivia and Elliot sat in the middle of his living room floor, while the dinner he made baked in the oven.

"Is there something wrong, Benson?"

"El, your bows are looking a little...sloppy," she laughed a bit, taking the ribbon and scissors from his hands. He slumped back on sofa, and began stuffing each bag. "Oh come on, don't tell me you're upset," she nudged his side.

"No..this baby shower just got me thinkin'. You really don't think you'll ever become a mother?" She stilled in the middle of finishing the gift bag, taken back by the dramatic change in topic. Olivia hated how much he could read her, and know what was on her mind. When the incident with the young girl happened the day before, she had been able to push it to the back of her mind. Just like she had done everything else. Elliot had been serving as a great distraction these past few days. But she knew the topic was inevitable.

"We talked about this years ago..I'm still single, I've gotten denied countless times by adoption agencies.." her voice faded. She avoided looking at him by keeping her eyes focused on the ribbon between her fingers. "It's stupid. Nothing ever really goes right for me, so I don't know why I thought-" she pinched the bridge of her nose, in an effort to stop the tears she felt welling in her eyes.

Olivia Benson didn't cry.

"Liv, it's-"

"I'm okay- really. Samantha is just an angry kid, I shouldn't be upset," she continued to cut the ribbon, staying focused on just that.

"You really don't think you should be? Because I think it's more than what Samantha said-"

"I don't need to hear what you think, because I know that I'll never become a mom. And that's just how it is. I've accepted it," her last sentence had been stern, final. Warning him that she was completely over talking about it. His mouth opened slightly as if he were going to say something else. But instead he rose from the couch to check on the Ziti that had been baking.

She had laughed silently to herself at how she had always managed to screw up when things went well. Elliot had only been worried, and she knew that. But she also didn't feel like diving into her personal life tonight.

Olivia went to check on him after five minutes had passed, concerned that she had upset him. She had expected to walk in on him mid rage, but instead he had been in the middle of preparing her plate.

"I can't believe I'm witnessing Elliot Stabler cook," she leaned one shoulder on the frame of the door, with both arms crossed in front of her.

"I've made a few dishes in my lifetime, Liv," he wiped his hands on the small towel thrown over his shoulder. "Please go sit in the dining room," he stepped forward, and leaning in close. "I'm serving you tonight," his voice had gotten lower, practically whispering in her ear. She had held her breath, in fear that he'd see how his words had shocked her.