Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Nine

     "I'm good," I managed to say once the smile had faded into nothingness. "Nothing I haven't dealt with before."

     He stopped the carousel for a moment, turning to look down at me. "Why?"

     "Why what?"

     "Why do you put up with it?"

     I shrugged my shoulders. "It's a lot easier than going against the grain I guess." My mind whirled on this notion for a moment. Head turning to the side, I looked directly at him. "I run, they beat me worse. I fight back, they beat me worse. I tell someone, they beat me worse."

     Suddenly the words became a little less transparent, at least to me. I didn't need to let Xavier know about that. He was just some lost kid.

     "If I just sit there and take it, then eventually it stops." It's at this moment that I realise it's taking everything just not to bubble over and let a cauldron of seventeen years of raw emotions pour itself over. I had to keep control, because if I couldn't do that, then I had no chance belonging anywhere. "It's just the way things have to be."

     "That's bull," he said, turning around and kicking off once more, sending us spiraling again. "You can stand up for yourself you know."

     "It's not that easy."

     He rolled his eyes. I only know this because it was the only thing his face could have been doing in that exact moment. He was predictable, just like everyone else. But there was something more there, a familiarity that felt comforting.

     "There's this thing in psychology," he starts, "the fight-or-flight response. You either run away from the problem or stand up against it."

     "Nothing is ever that black and white you know." His face turned harsh against mines at this response, but it was clear that now he was taking the steps to calm himself back down.

     "You get one chance, fight or flight."

     "Escape."

     "Sooo, flight then?"

     "No, escape."

     The words were a relief in my throat. They burned, but it was the good kind of burn. It was like that strong sense that rose from within you. It paralyzed you for only a moment, but afterwards you knew the answers in your head.

     Escaping was my element.

     Escapism was more than just a hobby. For me it was an art. It was the art of learning how to distance myself from this world and elevate myself to the next. It was learning how to evade meaty hands looking for trouble. It was sneaking out my bedroom through the window at the age of six. It was pretending that this life was probably the one that I was not meant to live.

     This life was a mistake. The cruelest mistake.

     "To give them a reason," he said softly, taking his time to sit at the edge of the merry-go-round, turned away from me. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

     I breathed out deeply, eloping my hands at the back of my neck and looking up at the murky star-less sky. Even in a small town like this, it was impossible to see even the remotest speck of the vast universe most nights. "I don't want to talk about that."

     He sighed a horrible sigh. I could tell he was deflated, but what really did he expect me to do?

     "Just..." He rose to his feet softly. "Just don't get in over your head Garth."

     Before I had the chance to sit up, he was already making his way along the path, sinking in to the auburn trees that surrounded him from almost all sides.