transcending // anthony kiedis

10.

I was walking along the shore with a beautiful baby girl in my arms. She was so pale and bright. She had the cutest smile as she bit my pinky finger with her wet gums. My god was she precious. Her adorable fuzzy brown hair. My beautiful baby Jane.

I woke up. This time, I noticed more people in my hospital room. Anthony was still sitting next to me. I felt someone tighten their grip on my hand. I knew that touch. It was Nat. How did he find out I was here? What was happening? God I was so confused and I had no idea what to say or if I even could say anything.

I finally gained strength to sit up somewhat and I didn't know what to say or do. I heard a doctor come into the room and he came close to me. Everything he was saying to me wasn't going through to me. It was like he was just another still figure, moving his mouth but no sound was coming from it. I already knew what had happened. I didn't need him to repeat it to me. After he left the room, I watched Anthony slowly get up and tell Nat he'd give us a moment. Nat walked over to my side and held me. I wanted so badly to cry, but I just couldn't. I was in shock, and I didn't want to believe what had just happened. Nat told me that it wasn't my fault. It was an accident. Miscarriage's happen frequently in young women's pregnancies. It was nothing I could have prevented or caused. It just happened.

It may have 'just' happened, but I knew this was karma. I did something to allow such a thing to happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? I told Nat I wanted to be alone, and that he shouldn't stay with me. I just wanted to sleep and dream of a life with Jane. I didn't want to hear his apologies or anything. I didn't want to deal with any of this. I just wanted something or someone to take this pain away from me. Nat gave me a kiss on my forehead, and told me he'd be back soon. I watched him walk out the hospital room and I felt nothing. I knew he was only trying to help me, but I didn't want it. I didn't need his sympathy. I didn't need him to care for me. I didn't need fucking anybody.

A few minutes later, Anthony walked into the room. I needed to hear him speak. I wanted to know what happened, and I knew only he knew. He brought me a cup of water and slowly fed it to me. My throat was so dry, it felt like sandpaper. He sat down in the chair beside my hospital bed and began to speak. He had told me that he noticed me leaving the store. He didn't have any intentions to approach me; but he saw me across the street. He watched me walk the opposite direction of my intended path and headed toward the beach. Maybe I was just lucky that Anthony was in the area. Anthony heard my screams, and ran towards me from the beach and carried me to the nearest hospital. He told me that he was scared I'd be gone, too. I was barely breathing and I was unconscious. He genuinely feared for my life and I knew he was being honest. I could tell he had been crying, too. Once they took me in the emergency room, he contacted Nat and told him everything. And that brings us to now.

I wanted to thank Anthony for saving me. But I couldn't. I just didn't want to say anything. I didn't know what to say. So much was going through my mind that I needed something to force me to sleep. I wanted to sleep and never wake up. I'd never spend my life with Jane. We would never be able to do anything together. She was gone. And she took me with her. I wasn't myself. I wanted out of this fucking hospital room. I wanted to go anywhere else but home.