Beloved.

Chapter 9: Alone.

I wake up the next morning and have no dream. It never came. I have no idea what will happen now. I need it now, It helped me be prepared for what happens.

I get up and get dressed. I throw on black skinny jeans with converse and a red pull over hoodie. I do my make up and go to my room and look at myself in the full length mirror. I throw my hair up into a bun, not wanting to deal with it today. My mind doesnt hesitate to remind me those ugly words Zayn called me.

Fat bitch... Did he really mean it? He probably did. I feel gross. How come i cant be as pretty as the girls at my school? They are all gorgeous. All stick thin, beautiful healthy long hair, piercing colorful eyes. They all have loved ones, once again i am the outcast in the room. I am the old rag doll thrown to the side that you don't care about because you have a newer, nicer one now.

I don't mind eating. I run out the door with my backpack even before i take a look at my mom. I don't want her to see me like this. I pull out my journal from my bag and write in it but put it away as soon as i get to the school.

I get to my locker and open my backpack and grab my books, then shove my backpack into my locker. I quickly close it and walk down the hallway, just to get tripped. My books fall across the hall. I get on my hands and knees and pick it all up.

I sneak into class late and sit down. I look around but see no Zayn. Maybe for a day i wont get a hurt. Maybe for a day i wont get harassed. For a day i won't feel as bad as i am supposed to-

Zayn walks into the room.

My hopes are shattered. I put my hood over my head and groan. I lay my head down and the teacher checks to see if everyone is in the class. She starts talking but then goes silent. My hood gets lifted from my head. "no hood or hats in the building."

I sigh and lift my head up to see the class staring at me. Once they realize i am looking, they all turn away. I roll my eyes and sit head back down on the desk.

Class ends and i walk out the door, pulling my hood back on my head. I hear the people behind me talking. Its about me.

"I herd Zayn beat up Katlyn so bad she fell to the ground crying!"

"Is that why theres that big shitty bruise on her eye? I wondered!"

I glance over my shoulder to look at them. They looked shocked i was there. I am invisible to everyone. They look at each other and smirk and then walk away. I look around, its as if everyone around me is in slow motion.

Its now lunch time and i walk to my locker. I pull out my lunch and go to pull out my journal. My feelings are overwhelming me right now. I look in my backpack.

Its not there. I pull out my entire bag and search for it. Its not there. I quickly put my bag back in my locker and slam it.

I look around the hallway and see a bunch of papers plastered all over the walls. These are pages ripped out of my journal. I run up to one, everyone around it is laughing. I look at the page.

"I am crying up in my bedroom right now and I really need someone to talk to, but one is there for me. This is the only way i can express my feelings. School today was a piece of shit. I can never just be myself. It seems as if i am the only outcast at school and I am sick of it. I am always getting hurt, not just here but everywhere i have lived. My dads gone, i can never see my mom, i am picked on everyday, my life is just a living hell for me right now. No one is there to help me."

I grab the page off the wall. I remember writing this. It was when i first got my journal, just a couple days after my dad left back in Michigan. I found the journal in the attic covered in dust. No one ever used it, so i started writing in it and i have kept it ever since.

This was a really depressing time in my life. And now its displayed for everyone to read.

Everyone is looking at me as i walk over to see. I tune out all the laughs. But i see their actions. They don't care. No one does. Tears are streaming down my face like a river. I shove past all the people. I head for the bathroom when someone stops me. I look up and see Harry. His face is full of concern, but i just stare at him and crumble up the piece of paper from my journal and throw it on the ground.

I run into the bathroom. I look in the mirror. I am pacing around like crazy and just keep crying and it wont stop, it just keeps coming out. I feel a lump in my throat and i'm sweating. I'm having an anxiety attack.