Alice of Human Sacrifice || ✔

~Chapter Eight, Two: Her Heart; For Him to Read~

As Mr. Lucerna said, writing really helps, I'm glad I have you to write to, and I hope I'll stay with Mr. Lucerna for a long time! The others may not be so friendly, but I'm sure they will in time! Just thinking of being friends with everybody makes me happy! Even if I can't remember most of my life, at least I have friends with me, right?

~~~

The handwriting starting from the next paragraph is messy. Looking back at the time when she was writing this, it seems like she's getting a little sleepy. She was twelve, children needed more time to sleep.

And she must've belonged to a noble family to learn how to read and write like that. Two years of re-education won't be enough if her abilities to read and write were erased with her memories. Fortunately, the basics remained with her.

~~~

Ah, I'm really sleepy now.

~~~

I knew it. Well, who could blame children?

I yawned into my hand. Shaking my head, I continued to read, refusing to stop halfway to go to my room and go to sleep.

~~~

I have to go sleep now, but it was calming and relieving to write to you. I'll write more tomorrow and I'll tell you about my life before, okay?

But is it bad to tell all my thoughts? I hope I'm not boring you, but I feel happy, not having to keep my thoughts bottled up. I felt like screaming and crying these days really, and it's probably because I was getting small bits of my memories back.

And I have a secret. Don't tell Mr. Lucerna or anyone, okay? I'll be the one to tell them if I do feel like it.

I see red eyes whenever my dream ends, and then the next thing I knew, I am crying. I wonder why, but my heart feels like it's about to burst whenever I wake up, and I would have trouble breathing. I hope I'm not getting sick. Maybe seeing red eyes means I'm getting a fever. I hope not. Mr. Lucerna might worry and then he'd have so much to take care of now. He's not really feeling well, and I'm worried. I hope he will be fine, we still have to celebrate his birthday!

Ah, Mr. Lucerna is knocking, hold on.

Mr. Lucerna said I should sleep, so I'm going to. I'll write to you soon, okay? He's going to read me a story as he insists, because apparently I am only twelve once. He is a funny man, right? I mean, I'm not a child anymore, but still he insists. That aside, I hope to dream of his happy stories.

Good night!

Signed,
Alice.

~~~

I said I'd only read one entry, so I closed to notebook, quite reluctantly I might add, and put it back into the third drawer, closing it and sighing.

She's still an innocent little girl in her first entry, huh...? And she's taking the idea of a diary too far; it's like she's really writing, everyday, to a person who would never even read her letters.

But it was nice knowing that innocence was still present. I mean I did have innocence, a long time ago, but I'm running a company now, so I can't be entirely innocent; I would seem ignorant to some irksome adults.

And then again, I'm not innocent now. It's like having blood on your hands that would never wash away. They just stay there, reminding you that you're unclean, and that you can never erase that taint.

Back to the point, she's been seeing red eyes for almost two years now? She never told me.

And that was a pretty short entry for a first. I can't blame her though, she was a child.

What is this about the red eyes though? She's been seeing them ever since she was lost, and I thought her eyes had turned red when we were playing chess.

What does it mean?

I rubbed my hands on my face, and exhaustion hit me like a brick wall. I looked at the clock she had in this room; it's half past eleven. I can feel my eyes drooping, so I stood up from the bed and yawned, stretching. Turning off the lamp on top of the drawers, I made my way over to the door and before I went out, took one last look at it.

She's been suffering all this time, just like I am. I wonder if her childish illusions are still stuck to her mind, those things about friends, and happiness.

I closed the door and made my way to my own room.

What a funny thing, hope, but I can't help but think--

I hope she'll still work for me after everything is done. I feel like something big will happen in three days' time, on the day 'little dream' would come and get me.

And I hope my head would just stop hurting as well.