Last Hope (Kellin Quinn) {Book 3}

5. universe

A/N: Dedicated to Nat_Bug2000 for being awesome. Poem is from an amazing book called Thirteen Reasons Why. :)

Universe

Song: King And Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men

I'm your lionheart…

~Summer~

When I was a kid, a really young kid, and all the third graders at my school were still friends, a tragedy happened. I didn't understand it much, considering I never knew you could murder yourself. I was so young, I didn't know what happened. All I knew was that my friend's older sister passed away. I wasn't allowed to say "died" because my mother was friends with that girl's mom. The girl was a freshman in high school when she took her own life. 

I didn't know what suicide was until fifth grade. I didn't realize that the girl had committed it two years before until seventh grade. It was late January, and the kid, Grayson, who I'd been at school with for many years now, wasn't at school. Someone told me that he was gone for the day because him and his family were visiting his sister's grave for what would be her nineteenth birthday. That day I sat at my desk thinking about what everyone else was saying. 

"Grayson's sister killed herself…"

"It's insane that Carla would be nineteen today. She never got to drive, go to prom…"

"Today is just not a good day for anyone…"

Some people didn't care. It made me physically ill that those people, who had also been in the same class as me for years, couldn't care less about suicide. I had to go to the nurse's room because I was feeling like I would vomit at any second. 

Now I look back as I know how Grayson felt. He's no longer living in California. After high school I think he moved to Maryland to be with his father's side of the family. He's probably married now, with some beautiful children. He's probably very happy. I don't know how he feels or how he's doing anymore. I honesty don't know. But I do know that he never moved on from Carla's death. You can't just forget it. You never really move on. It's impossible. It doesn't matter how that loved one passed away. You just… can't ever let them go. 

I'm telling you this now because as I rode the elevator up to Kellin's hotel room I looked down. I wore dark blue Vans, which reminded me of Jessica. She always wore dark blue Vans. Blue was her favorite color. I fucking hate the word was.

One day I'm going to die. Everyone dies. You just don't know when exactly. Who knows, maybe I'll live to be ninety. Maybe I'll live to be forty. I've lived passed fifteen though, so that's a pretty good accomplishment for many. What if Della passes before me? What if Allix before any of us? What if we all passed away together in some car wreck? You never know! The possibilities are infinite. Of course some possibilities are bound to never happen to the average person. Some can happen though. 

I realized that I don't want to die yet in the short seconds it took to get to Kellin's room. And when Kellin opened the door I knew I didn't feel sad either. He smiled at my loose tank top, warn out skinnies, messy hair, and Vans. I didn't want to have a fancy date after the… store issue. I smiled back at his attire; an old Anthem shirt, some normal jean skinnies, and TOMS. We both found some sort of beauty in each other, even though to anyone else we probably looked like crap. It's not very often when people can find someone we likes them just the way they are. Some say its takes a lifetime to find someone like that. I can't feel sad about finding Kellin. Maybe I was wrong this whole time. Maybe I'm not ready to die because I honestly can't leave Kellin. It's possible that Des and I weren't meant to be, and it's possible that my night with Vic was the biggest mistake of my life because I might still really love the black haired vocalist that I currently laid next to. 

Our date consisted of a lot of deep conversation. I came over to watch a movie and eat a room service dinner, but we ended up laying next to each other discussing the universe. 

"I believe there is some other life form out there," Kellin said. 

"I believe there are infinite amounts of us out there."

"Us?"

"Yeah, kinda like clones. We aren't the only Kellins or Summers. Maybe in another universe there is another Summer. Like, say if I did something stupid in this universe. Maybe I decided that I wanted to live in the desert? Well, that other Summer in a whole other universe probably decided it'd be a stupid idea to do that."

"That's so fucking crazy," chuckled Kellin. 

We laid on our sides to look at each other. I sighed. He sighed. I giggled. He laughed. I bit my bottom lip. He kissed it. I giggled again. He rubbed his nose against mine. 

"Eskimo kisses," I mumbled, "they're my favorites."

"Your favorite kisses?" he whispered. 

I nodded. "They're so cute and romantic. I give the twins little Eskimo kisses all the time. They laugh when I do that. It's so cute."

"You're so cute."

"This date fucking rules."

Again, Kellin sighed. Only this time his sigh didn't follow mine and it wasn't a sigh to represent calmness. 

"You okay?"

He nodded. He was lying. 

"You sure?"

Nod. 

"Kellin-"

"I'm so fucking sorry about what went down with us," he suddenly blurted, pulling me closer. 

"What?"

"We couldn't even make it one year. I feel so fucking stupid for all that happened. I'm so sorry. And you know how you said that there are infinite amounts of us? Well I hope that in another universe another Kellin made the right choice and chose to stick with you."

"In this universe though… we're given a second chance. Lets put that second chance to good use, okay?"

"How?"

I kissed his cheek, my mind flooding with thoughts, actions, and most importantly, feelings…

If my love were an ocean,
there would be no more land.
If my love were a desert,
you would see only sand.
If my love were a star-
late at night, only light.
And if my love could grow wings,
I'd be soaring in flight.

"Make love to me."

A/N: Here is chapter five. I hope it's good. Now, continue onto the next chapter.

~Catt