Resist Him If You Can

C h a p t e r - 23

- When She Learns The Truth -

Nina

"Um... say, how do you cure a heartburn?" I ask hesitantly, looking down; suddenly finding my nail paint quite interesting.

Burgundy.

Not bad.

The person of the other end of the call pauses before letting out a long, exasperated sigh.

"Oh my Fuzzy Boom-Boom! Did you eat all the cheetos again? Je-sus! What is wrong with my family? Do you listen when your Momma talks about healthy food? No, you do not! But do you listen when your father mumbles with his big chipmunk cheeks filled with junk food? Of course you do!"

Oo-kay?

I distinctly hear my father burping in the background and then making some 'Om nom nom nom' noises.

Momma pauses and pulls the phone away from her ear and shrieks out loud, "I swear to God, Richie! One more of those fries and I'm not putting out for a week! You hear me!? No sex for a week!"

I cringe and pull the phone away from my ear and shudder in disgust; imagining the ways I could dip my phone in the holy water.

Mom and Dad having sex?

A big no-no.

Suddenly all the noise on the other end stops at once, just as I hear my Dad growl out to Momma, "How about I pour some caramel all over your body and take my time licking it off of you? How'd you like it then, huh baby?"

Hashtag puke alert.

I blink twice before shrieking out, "Oh my God! Stop talking, you horndogs! You do realize that your daughter is right here!" I flap my hand all over myself even though they couldn't see me.

"Yes." I hear Momma mumble with a dead-panned voice and I could almost feel her rolling her eyes as she sighs dreamily, "Mmh. I don't care. You wouldn't believe how good he is in the sack. I mean, the size of his junk! Ooh doggiee!"

Ooh doggiee?

Oh. Dear. God.

I shudder and fake gag, before mumbling hoarsely, suddenly feeling an immediate urge to puke, "I think I'm scarred for life, Mommy."

I really am.

"Anyhoot!" Momma chirps happily, "Is there anything you wanna talk about? Because your father and I have a lot more interesting stuff to do."

Mmh. I'll bet.

I shrug off my thoughts and ask again, "How do you cure a heartburn? And I'm not talking about acidity."