Chase You

21; mixed feelings

It was just so admirable how much he missed his boyfriend, I've never been like that, I've never had a relationship where being apart from your lover, even just for a day, makes you feel as if you haven't seen them for eons. There was Marcia, but we had an open relationship and missing her would make me seem weak and vulnerable, so I chose to fight it.  

I smiled to him and played with this stupid bracelet I had on my wrist, I can't believe that I still wear it, the concept behind it was that it showed that I was a valued member of a certain clique at the school I attended, it was a token that you'd give away to the ones you love and I had never given mine away before.

My heart was stolen by Ben, so it's not like I could've it away to Marcia. If I hadn't loved Ben, I still wouldn't shift my decision; Marcia and I were in an open relationship and I didn't want to seem clingy. It was only on Prom night that I had found out she wanted to be exclusive, and that was much too late.

I stared at the small ornate details on it and traced the snake embellishment with my stubby fingers, the metal felt cold under my touch.

"One day you'll give it away, even though it'll be absolutely meaningless." Kyle chortled.

I thought over his words and it felt like I was taking hours to process them, it might've been because we're not doing anything that'll make time seem fast, we were just sitting in my room and he's been here for ages, so time seemed to feel incredibly slow.

"No." I started, staring down again at the bracelet. "I don't want to give it away, it's childish."

"Dude, it doesn't just serve as something significant in school! It also gets you into societies at university, secret ones." He explained, I furrowed my brows in confusion. I do recall my friend, Calvin, telling me something of the sort, but I just thought he was lying in an attempt to hype up this stupid thing. Whatever it's called. If it were up to me, I'd call it a cult.

"No, I don't want this to interfere with university, if I ever go back I mean." I pursed my lip and stared at the boy in front of me, his wild, untameable brown hair poked out in places it really shouldn't and his fringe flopped over his eyes- he's never liked getting his hair cut, so it gets so long and then suddenly, it's all chopped off again and left to grow out all over again.

This bracelet, the cult, the society, the lifestyle - it just wasn't for me. I didn't want to have this thing on me that automatically redeems me as this superior human being. I wanted to be normal, and this certain bracelet wasn't helping in achieving that.

I'd usually enjoy being put on a pedestal, but times change and I don't think I want to be apart of that life anymore.

Being able to get into these exclusive clubs, being recognised and having girls fawn over you was good for a short while, especially when Marcia and I were sorta dating, sorta not dating.

Obviously, having my heart squashed in Ben's fist and then having it thrown on the floor only to be stepped on by him wasn't a situation I'd like to mope around from, nope, it was an opportunity to do everything in my will power to shove it to the back of my mind.

As ethereal as I pictured him to be, he was the opposite, at least only to people he didn't like. Somehow loving in made me look past this heavily guarded, sometimes abysmal personality.

Musing over it now, I felt the need to thwack myself over the head.

"When are you heading back to London?" I asked Kyle, snapping myself back to reality. He was shooting me the most confused expression, but it disappeared when he saw I was no longer in a daze.